which brings us right here

The strangest thing happened to me the other day and, stranger, it only bothered me today. Well, it sort of bothered me the other day, but I pushed it from my mind because I had rehearsals and I had other fun stuff to do and I seem to have a filter for the bad things that happen to me, at least recently. But I got to thinking about it today, during rehearsal, and I decided I wanted to say something about it and then leave it in peace.

The reason why I'm blogging about it is it's about my blog. Well, about my last blog, not The Sleepyhouse. But it's related to why The Sleepyhouse exists, so there.

I ran out of masking tape and went to the office to scrounge for some and while taping my feet, administration (well, it's just Cherie, Tito G and Angie now) were all aflurry with getting press releases and invites to the press. Tito G was non-stop, "Text brigade!!! And get it on the internet, email details, whatever you can! 50% off!!!!" I said, "I put it on my blog already."

As soon as I said that, I was a bit glad that everyone may not have heard me because 1. I didn't want to really get into what a blog was and 2. I wasn't going to show Tito G what I wrote about him not finishing his choreography on my blog. And then Cherie sweetly said, "I've seen your blog, Joelle."

First thought was, oh well, Tito G may find it cute the way I said it. Then, Cherie continued and said, "It was an entry about being happy that everyone were like one big happy family and the company being close-knit."

WTF?

I then realized, she meant my last blog, Joelle So Far on jete.blogspot. It was an entry I wrote during La Bayadere. I meant it at the time, but that was before certain people thought we had stabbed them in the back.

Because of my killing Jete, I vowed never to blog about people who work my nerves and why; most especially people in the community I work in. But can I just say that whatever I blogged that day, I super take it all back. One big happy family my fat ass.

In rehearsal, though, I felt a small compensation to see that what happened because of our disappearance did not turn out to be so bad. Quite the opposite. As a result, certain people got chances to dance things that they normally wouldn't have enjoyed. And I found I could do things beyond all known philosophies. Cryptic, I know, but I don't want to go into detail, lest Cherie googles a word or two in the future and finds this blog.

In a nutshell, may I reiterate: the universe knows what's due us. Peace out.

first thought: ew, those baby angels? ew!!!!

Let's take a break from all this ballet angst and breathe. Here's the most wonderful Quizzila quiz ever!


What Angel on the Hierarchy are you?
brought to you by Quizzila

other people would call me sexy

Jacqui was walking behind me the other day and suddenly said, "Grabe, Joe, ang payat payat mo. But... (scary pause here) you have pwet. And boobs." I look back at her to see her studying me skeptically. When she sees me looking at her, she continues her train of thought and says, "Isn't that great?"

I'm not too worried about my boobs, they'll shrink when I get my period. But I'm not as happy about my supposed kapayatan as my sister is.

I don't feel thin. But I think it's just perspective. I'm PMS-ing and therefore feel the need to stuff my face every five minutes. I feel like I have a huge tummy that I have a hard time sucking in (hence the messed up center). On the upside, I seem to have thinner ankles.

I have always had a complex about my ankles. People give me really cute anklets that I never wear because they make my already thick ankles look thicker. Yes, I've been told that I'm hallucinating, I don't have thick ankles, but yo, these are my legs. I would know. Okay, they're not Nordic peasant girl ankles but they're thick for the size of my legs and if you have short legs like mine, you kinda notice the things that make them them shorter.

In this regard, it may interest you then that my ankles seem to have shrunk somehow. (Well, it interests me!) They're not as thick as they used to be and I do look like I have longer legs. I read somewhere (in my ever endless quest to lose weight) that there are parts of you that get smaller first before other parts do, hence the idea of the trouble spots. I guess, before my trouble spot - my tummy - it's safe to say that fat leaves my body in so far the following sequence: chest, face, arms, back, hips, legs (and by association, ankles).

Now if only my stomach will get with the program.

i'm a flash in the pan

I realized something about myself. I can do the amazing tricks, like jumping really high and turning while jumping really high and all sorts of aerodynamic stuff, but I can't do the basic stuff. Okay, not can't but I have a hard time. It's being in class doing adagio that I can't perfect. For girls, adagio should be the most basic thing - even if you're killing yourself lifting your leg that high and moving it around your body. I realize that it may feel like killing myself to me, but other people may have an easier time with it.

It's not only that I'm not centered. I'm not, but there it is again, another basic thing that I have problems with. I think the bulk of my training is we were made to be soloists - to perform steps that the principal dancers do. I am very impressive when it comes to variations. To the layman, a variation is a solo; we call it that because there's always a standard solo in ballets but it varies from ballet to ballet (at least, I think that's why it's called that). I can do all sorts of nifty variations, perfectly (as I've been restaging entire ballets for the last ten years, I know most of them by heart). But I suck during the adagio combinations in ballet class. There's something wrong there.

Mikah told me this story about this guy asking Pablo Casals what he was practicing. The master cellist replied that he was doing basic exercises over and over, which stunned the guy who asked him but made perfect sense to Mikah and myself. Well, I'm not sure how exactly it made perfect sense to Mikah (hehe, I may have stopped listening to him at this point) but to me, if you can do the basics well, everything else should follow.

I guess it's a given that I know many tricks ("Tricksy hobbitses!!!!" Yes, that's me.), but dancing isn't just about being able to do tricks and making audiences stand up and erupt into applause. That would be nice, but it's something I want to veer away from at the moment. I'm not a principal dancer so there's not really much space for me to be doing any tricks.

Right now, I want to work on the basics. I've been frustrated in ballet class too much last week for me to want to get my shit in gear. I will work on this slowly; I started with the adagio combination in class today. Anatoli doesn't usually let us repeat the combination to give time for other stuff, I decided to take things in my own hands (and legs) and repeated the combination with the second group, just so that I got a chance to. I then notice that when I repeat it, I become more comfortable with the alien-seeming steps and I figure out better ways to do them. A complex version of practice-makes-perfect.

I really want to stop being frustrated with myself; I've been too impatient too long that it's sucking the joy out of dancing. I'm glad I'm more aware that I should work on the more basic stuff (thank you Mikah and Pablo!) and I'm glad my body isn't deteriorating yet for me to worry that even the basic stuff won't help me now.

Also, it's been an ongoing thought of mine recently that the kind of dancing I want to do is more the kind that moves the audience to tears. It's the basics that will get me there. Anyway, all my flashy jumping is just, usually, for me.

hey friends... watch me dance... please...

There's a scene in Tito Gener's Isang Bagong Bituin (which he has yet to finish choreographing) wherein Mama Joel and I get married. We're just a prop in the lead character's monologue/dream sequence - she has to choose between love and a ballet career, and we're standing in the corner as one of the things she wants to do and is torn about. In the piece before that, she dances with a gauzy cloth; the cloth is set aside for the next dance. Mama Joel and I walk in during the chorus ("Kailan maghihintay ang walang hanggan...") and walk off again. We wait at the side of the studio where the cloth is. Mama Joel picks it up and says we should use this as a veil. I told him, "You wear it." He was extremely pleased and I was extremely amused.

I'm just announcing in case there are any takers, Isang Bagong Bituin will premiere next week at the Cultural Center of the Philippines Main Theatre. Shows are slated at 8pm on November 18, 19 & 20 and at 3pm on November 20 and 21. Included in the programme are Classical Symphony, Tzigane and David Campos Cantero's Carmina Burana. You can get tickets at half price if you buy yours from the dancers (like me, for example).

(Actually, I think it was an incentive thing for us to sell tickets; they'll give it to us at half price, we sell them at full and then we get to keep our half. But, like I've said a million times, I'm not dancing for the money. And anyway, it might be easier to get my friends to watch if they knew they were getting bargain tickets. Right, friends?)