little something-nothings

What do you guys think has happened to me when I disappear like I did the last few days? Bursts of prolific creativity and then silence? Actually, nothing much has happened to me the last few days - nothing blog-worthy anyway. I could have blogged about:

• my thesis
• something irritating that happened in ballet the other day
• why somebody so dissuaded about marriage as I had found myself so giddy last Saturday when Tasha looked at me in my Sala - Mantones de Manila costume and said, "Ate Joe, you look like you're in a wedding dress!"

However, I didn't because:

• I think I'm only excited about my thesis every Monday after Research class and I feel I should get it kickstarted finally. A few days later, I'm not as passionate. It's not that I don't want to be passionate about my thesis but right now, I have other concerns. Knowing all this though, I've resolved to be more passionate about my thesis because I want it to rock. But to make it a blog entry? How boring.

• That irritating thing in ballet is something I don't want to discuss actually. The only reason I put it in the list above was I wanted to blog the other day and I couldn't because I was so peeved at the thing that I couldn't think about anything else. And although it was so SOOOOO irritating, disappointing, embarassing, it's not something that deserves the blog space. I've actually gotten over it already, don't ask me what it is when you see me again.

-- In related news, despite that irritating thing, I love dancing. It's the best thing in my life. Well, one of.

• I like the concept of spending the rest of my life with somebody. With a particular somebody. But it's too early to think about that, so I'm restraining myself, giggling helplessly instead while in a huge and pretty white dress with a train and many many petticoats. I don't really want to talk about how I'm so looking forward to being married. I don't. But I can post pictures of me in this dress if you want. (Can you say nutzoid?)

So a bunch of not blog-worthy posts makes one blog-worthy post? Yes, it looks like it. Next week, I look for worthier things.

gypsy girl in her element

I learned Tzigane today. I have actually already started learning Tzigane a couple weeks ago, but we hadn't gotten around to learning the rest of the dance. Today, we went through the entire thing so many times that it would be impossible for me not to remember what comes next after whatever. I sometimes wish there were an easier system for me to remember dances, but I don't even know what system I currently use. That system is flawed, as there are gaps in my memory (I'm always "What's next? What's next???") and I really have to concentrate. I think I tend to worry about what's next more than I worry that I'm doing the dance properly.

But that's only when I learn the dance. When I know the dance, finally, I'm not as praning. Like I had a hell of a time learning Vinta the first time but when I knew it, I loved it. Now, I'm not loving it as much again because I have to learn a different part. I'm hoping it gets easier.

By the way, Tzigane is a pas de deux that's supposed to be a tricks showcase of the company's flashiest dancers. Choreographed by Tom Pazik, it was first danced in PBT by Lisa Macuja and Osias Barroso Jr (long before they left and formed Ballet Manila). It's currently performed by Kit and Ron, and in the upcoming shows, by Kit and Alvin. I'm only learning it so that Alvin will have a partner to practice with while Kit is dancing it with Ron.

I don't mind if I never get to perform it onstage, I like the challenge of learning. Well, actually, I wish I knew it already so that I can just have fun rehearsing it. So it's more I like the challenge of being able to do these flashy tricks and leaps and turns and lifts. Without worrying about "What's next?"

if only blogging paid the bills...

Unless you're squeamish about pretty homosexuals who say whatever they please, check this out. It's a weblog of a pretty homosexual who says whatever he pleases, but since he's so darn entertaining, lotsa people read his blog. And so people advertise on his blog and he makes money off it. Wow. I once wrote (in my last blog I think) that I wished I could be a professional blogger, just blog and get paid for it. Too bad I'm not an entertaining homosexual who says whatever I please.

i miss you

He said, "Will you be okay?" as we were saying goodbyes and about to hang up on each other. Was he asking will I be okay after this parting, will I be able to live without him? No, I won't be okay, you're too far from me. Come here, make me feel all better.

i don't know if i'll still be around when you come back...

Went to my grandmother's best friend's husband's 40th day today (meaning, he passed on 40 days ago). I always liked the Belos because we swam in their pool all the time and they were always telling us to feel most at home. And they're really wonderful people really, very interesting and smart. I really felt bad when he passed because I could not picture his wife without him, they seemed to be two halves of a whole and so cute all the time.

Tonight, though, she looked cute on her own as well. Her daughter opened the program by relating the story of how her parents met and it was this really cute anecdote about his chance of taking his Master's in Law at Harvard but when he asked his beau if she would wait for him, she said, "I don't know if I'll still be around when you come back..." So he turned down the scholarship to ask her father her hand in marriage and he gasped and commanded him to take back the scholarship and he will pay for his daughter's airfare and accomodations while he's at Harvard.

(At this point, I look over at her table and she smiles at me and says, "It's true!" So cute!)

I'm most amused at how similar she is to Mamia - my Mamia said to my grandfather, "Hey, I'm 25. If you're not going to marry me, I have to find someone who will because I'm not getting any younger." In effect, she proposed. You can tell why these cousins are best friends.

Their daughter is actually my godmother, but I'm not close to her in any way. I think more so now because she's still probably mad at me - I let her down when she offered me a chance to learn Pilates in the States and teach it at her clinic back when Pilates was about to become all the rage. I didn't accept the offer because I didn't want to teach Pilates - not then, while I was writing for PinoyCentral Music, not even now, that I'm a ballerina again.

Some blog-worthy news though. My mom had been the one who was forever on my case for turning her down - I could have gone to the States, I could be earning three times my salary, how embarassing to refuse my godmother, blah blah blah. Then, last year, I was angsting about ballet (my usual angst about ballet last year) and my mom told me, "You did not waste any time. You went out and lived your life the way you wanted to live it. You have all these memories of everything you did and everyone you met and all these achievements. You should be grateful that when you decided to go back to ballet, your body still allowed you to. Do you know what your peers are doing now? The people who went on dancing while you went and wasted your time with a life? They're so sick of ballet and all they can do now is teach Pilates."

Have I said before that the Universe knows what's due us? Such a crafty Universe, isn't it?