Recital season (or another post about being so busy)

I arrived from Australia over two weeks ago, and I was supposed to keep updating the Cross Borders Collaborative blog, but I actually still have the current entry I'm working on in the exact place I left it while editing the article on the 8-hour flight on the way here and have not added to it since. This is because 2 big things have been happening to me lately: 1. We (the telecom whose online portals I manage) are launching an "improved" main portal on December 13, and 2. We (my family's ballet school) are having our annual recital on the 22nd.

(There is also the matter of a quite disturbing conversation I had with somebody about the state of dance in my country, which really did bother me, so much that it would have thrown me into depression, or at the very least, ennui, had I the luxury of time. But I don't.)

This weekend was crunch time on several levels, and it was more action packed than the A-Team movie, but it was only after I read an annoying email regarding day job issues that I had to take stock of how much this weekend rocked. Rehearsals are going very well, and unlike the last two weekends which found me feeling like I was dying with every attempt to do anything more complicated than a port de bras, I got a lot of my strength back. I don't think I'm in tiptop shape yet, but I'm getting there.

Retiring from dancing, or at the very least from ballet, has crossed my mind this last few weeks, especially when I can't complete a decent renverse, or when my back gives up in mid-execution of any step, or when I wake up really sore and exhausted the next day. Add in that bothersome conversation I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, wherein I was made to feel that this style of dance that I was killing myself for was not worth anybody's time (will blog about that another time... Or remain a secret with me, let's see how I feel eventually). Ballet is really a demanding art form but I realize that there ARE rewards. Last Sunday, in flats, I managed to escape a pas de deux rehearsal with my brother because he deemed it more important to rehearse the part in the ballet where I reveal that I, the black swan, am not the queen of the swans the Prince fell in love with and have successfully thwarted their romance forever. As we went through this mime, I remembered why I danced/dance, and not even why I dance ballet, but why I dance at all.

Yesterday, we finally run the Black Swan pas de deux en pointe, which we haven't done since I arrived from Australia. It wasn't perfect but it felt awesome. Yesterday's and today's rehearsals were quite awesome, too. There's still a lot of work to be done, but awesome still.

As I write this, I'm propped up in bed to strategically stretch my sore lower back, and my legs are throbbing and threatening to fall off from my hips. Retiring is still a reality I will have to eventually face, but I'm hoping not so soon. In light of these last few weeks that have been unbelievably crazy and stressful, and in light of disturbing conversations that make you question your life's directions, I want to remember how happy I was this weekend, as it was the kind of happiness that obliterates bad energy and makes negative events not matter. In life, I've learned, there's just so much out there that makes you forget.