I don't like to believe in Murphy's law, which basically says that if something can go wrong, it will, but there are days that make me a believer. No matter how early I finished my work for the recital, no matter how prepared I am, no matter how organized your schedule is, all it takes is for one lousy tech to screw it up for you and burden both you and your father with unnecessary stress.
The entire show, I was stage managing while offstage, kicking the guy with the headset on stage right because he was falling asleep throughout the show. My dad says maybe CCP is deteriorating and we better get out while we can. He's thinking of having a dinner theater in a hotel ballroom for our 25th anniversary concert. I'm objecting of course, being of the group of snobs who think CCP is the hub of high art, but with stupid techs and their staff that fall asleep on you, it should be very wise to really rethink your options.
My recital went off with nary a glitch, except for that tech and his stupid lighting abiltities. The stage looked way too dark and the colors were all clashing with each other. Watching the video was actually too painful for me, the entire thing could've looked better if it was lit well.
Still I can't discount the fact that based on how happy the kids were after, it was a pretty successful recital.
Jacqui said something that resonated with me. She said that she thinks of her ballet technique as something that steadily progresses and her benchmark for this is her performance during the recital. She learns from her mistakes and works them out so that she won't repeat them the next year. I realize that this is what I do with each recital. I see the things that went wrong as stuff that I can improve the following year. In this case, don't be too complacent when the tech assigned to you mouths off all these impressive theatrical know-how. I have to assume that he doesn't know what he's doing from the onset, it's safer.
My dad has lived his entire life dependent on nobody except himself, his wife and his kids. And even then, he waits around for us to screw up. It's a good understanding of why he's so hard on me, but sometimes, I wish I would trade a Murphy's law extravaganza for a kinder, more soft-spoken dad.
I really have to manage my time more properly in 2005. I have lots of time, but it's just not managed properly. I could do better planning, better working out kinks, better organizing logistics. This isn't just about ballet, it's about my life, and all aspects of it. No more trying to finish sets at 3 in the morning the day before theatre rehearsal, no more freaking out over deadlines for my freelance work that I could have met earlier, no more missing school registration and having to file for LOA, no more missed parties with my friends, no more being too tired to dance.
Hmm, I didn't quite plan for this to come out this way. It's amusing and, I like to think, a gift from the universe. Despite all my dissatisfactions and plans to make things better, I really had a great year. Happy new year, everybody.
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