I am a lot better now. I am not in a rush to go out and prove myself and join the wonderful world of academic scholarliness in the name of dance for the following reasons:
1. No one is holding a gun to my head.
2. I checked out the application for grants at the NCCA and found that it was better if you had a recommendation from an institution that backed your project. I figured I could finish my thesis, never mind what my research prof says, and then ask for the NCCA's help in publishing it once it's been given a high grade. No need to stress over it now and by then I would have proved myself. Or not. I also figured that it doesn't really matter because these academic people don't really exist in the outside world, where I've been living for the past few years and no amount of approval from them will change the way people view ballet in this country anyway.
3. I cleaned my entire bathroom with Domex and the scrubbing is very therapeutic. I have then decided it is a more important goal to get my banyo shining bright enough for us to need shades to use it than to publish a book that surveys the history of ballet in the Philippines.
4. I've decided that if I ever want to teach in UP it will be because I would think it would be fun, not to get into the thick of getting an important paper approved by the academe I'd be working for.
5. I'm writing my book and Maria has way bigger problems than me, so why am I stressing? I want to finish writing this book before I start serious work on my thesis and I realize that it's a long way from now and I rejoice.
6. I am very good at the things I do and many people appreciate them. So what if I may never finish this fricking thesis? I am useful to other people, as they remind me everyday and every midday. I am very lucky.
7. Perhaps my prof is right in implying that the local ballet world doesn't deserve such a study. Har.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
you're a frickin' good writer joelle.
ika nga ni kuya ike go!go!go!
philippine ballet needs to be document
precisely because your professor doesn't think
it's important enough.
-markmomukhamo
awwwww, mark! thanks! that made my day :)
"I also figured that it doesn't really matter because these academic people don't really exist in the outside world, where I've been living for the past few years and no amount of approval from them will change the way people view ballet in this country anyway."
So true. In the end it's the connection with the audience that makes the difference. Which is why I am not going for a doctoral program right now.
Marga
i know how you feel. about everything. i've been so obsessed with this MA and getting 'distinction' that i was close to going bonkers. and yes, i've found that housework is therapeutic. washing dishes, doing laundry, chopping vegetables... you start you finish it's done. saya. unlike these mental acrobatics you have to perform in class. minsan masaya (because my mind is the only flexible part of my body :P) but other days, pah!
i miss you jo. when i get back we can bitch about hte academe together. wheeheehee... :P
Fran
you know if you ever visit me, i'll let you clean my bathroom... ;-)
love,
marga
heeeeey, if i remember correctly, i TAUGHT you how to clean your bathroom. do me proud, i dare ya.
Post a Comment