and i hate math enough to not care about counting the points

I saw a bit of an ice skating competition this morning while cleaning my apartment. I normally don't like watching ice skating as I'm worried they'll fall on their butts on the cold ice, but that's just me. I have never wanted to ever ice skate, not even when Megamall was the only place that had ice skating and it was a fad to go ice skating. I have enough of a problem with balance without teetering on bladed shoes on slippery surfaces, thank you very much.

This time, however, I was drawn to the ice skating comp on TV and felt myself thinking lots of comparative stuff to ballet. I'm still not, YAY ICE SKATING! but I concede that it's not easily dismissable. What these girls are doing is Hard. They jump in the air, turning multiple times, and they have to make perfect landings or else they don't get points. The US champion who just came from the Olympics (I think she won the gold) is Michelle Kwan and she did this incredibly difficult leap (so said the commentator) not too well and so she was ranked second place for this heat. I thought she was stunning - she was very expressive and artistic (I loved her, hikbi) and just because she didn't perfect a landing, she was graded poorly. There's gotta be something wrong there.

At this moment, there's a NAMCYA competition for ballet and Tiff, Tara and Jared are all competing. I was thinking lately about how arbitrary competitions are and how grades and points do not capture your measure as a dancer. Sure, I'm very hard on myself when I don't execute a step perfectly, but I sure as hell am glad I'm not graded for each thing I do.

From the last show, I've been thinking that all this nitpicky perfectionism is just for me. The artistry and expression is for the people watching. Put 'em all together and I'll feel like I won a competition. I don't need points or anything - I would know. And so would the people who watch and like what I do.

While waiting for her scores, Michelle Kwan looked bummed; when she saw her scores, she was shrugging and looked, "Oh that's okay." Interviewed, she said, "I have time to relax and regroup, I'll be able to concentrate more for the long program." If she were a ballerina performing onstage, I'm pretty sure she would have gotten screams of "Bravo!!!" and may be a little disappointed, but she might have been happier.

There was this one girl who did a number inspired by Holly Golightly - Breakfast At Tiffany's set to Moon River, and after her piece, she was super happy with what she did. That's what I would feel like: super happy that I had danced my best, never mind what points I get. A couple weeks ago, Tiff and Tara were talking to me about their competition concerns, then Tiff sighed and said, "I don't care if I win, I only hope that I do well." I hope, as she completes her variation, she'll feel like she was super happy that she had danced her best, never mind the points.

Update on my poor heels: they've adequately dried up and I danced in my Gaynors pain free today in a performance of Fiesta. I like that I'm starting not to care too much about the tiny things I didn't do perfectly. Nobody's keeping score anyway.