I realized something about myself. I can do the amazing tricks, like jumping really high and turning while jumping really high and all sorts of aerodynamic stuff, but I can't do the basic stuff. Okay, not can't but I have a hard time. It's being in class doing adagio that I can't perfect. For girls, adagio should be the most basic thing - even if you're killing yourself lifting your leg that high and moving it around your body. I realize that it may feel like killing myself to me, but other people may have an easier time with it.
It's not only that I'm not centered. I'm not, but there it is again, another basic thing that I have problems with. I think the bulk of my training is we were made to be soloists - to perform steps that the principal dancers do. I am very impressive when it comes to variations. To the layman, a variation is a solo; we call it that because there's always a standard solo in ballets but it varies from ballet to ballet (at least, I think that's why it's called that). I can do all sorts of nifty variations, perfectly (as I've been restaging entire ballets for the last ten years, I know most of them by heart). But I suck during the adagio combinations in ballet class. There's something wrong there.
Mikah told me this story about this guy asking Pablo Casals what he was practicing. The master cellist replied that he was doing basic exercises over and over, which stunned the guy who asked him but made perfect sense to Mikah and myself. Well, I'm not sure how exactly it made perfect sense to Mikah (hehe, I may have stopped listening to him at this point) but to me, if you can do the basics well, everything else should follow.
I guess it's a given that I know many tricks ("Tricksy hobbitses!!!!" Yes, that's me.), but dancing isn't just about being able to do tricks and making audiences stand up and erupt into applause. That would be nice, but it's something I want to veer away from at the moment. I'm not a principal dancer so there's not really much space for me to be doing any tricks.
Right now, I want to work on the basics. I've been frustrated in ballet class too much last week for me to want to get my shit in gear. I will work on this slowly; I started with the adagio combination in class today. Anatoli doesn't usually let us repeat the combination to give time for other stuff, I decided to take things in my own hands (and legs) and repeated the combination with the second group, just so that I got a chance to. I then notice that when I repeat it, I become more comfortable with the alien-seeming steps and I figure out better ways to do them. A complex version of practice-makes-perfect.
I really want to stop being frustrated with myself; I've been too impatient too long that it's sucking the joy out of dancing. I'm glad I'm more aware that I should work on the more basic stuff (thank you Mikah and Pablo!) and I'm glad my body isn't deteriorating yet for me to worry that even the basic stuff won't help me now.
Also, it's been an ongoing thought of mine recently that the kind of dancing I want to do is more the kind that moves the audience to tears. It's the basics that will get me there. Anyway, all my flashy jumping is just, usually, for me.
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5 comments:
Here's to finding a great art school! Wouldn't it be cool if we all get to study in Europe and get together every week or so still? With the Eurail, I bet it won't be any different from us making plans to dinner in Manila. :)
Ah, practice, my downfall!!!! Kakainis. My problem is I tend to oversing during practice, mostly due to impatience, I think. So I get too tired then ayaw ko na mag-practice. Kasi, I want to get it right now, now, NOW! But when I do get something right or discover something new from regular and persistent kayod, it's very rewarding. SIGH.
Do you remember, Lala, when you and Gepot were apprenticing with Lolo one summer? He said to Mama one day that both of you were very talented, but that you had something extra. Patience. With your art and with yourself. I need to try to remember that every DAY.
But the tricks are fun too, no? I think that's why my time with BHM was so unproductive (among other reasons). All she wanted me to do were the tricks, she wanted to distill my voice to nothing but the glory notes. So choose your school well, La, mahirap na. There are crappy schools and teachers in any country.
Marga
Makes me feel down about myself sometimes that I don't have a deep bag of flashy tricks that I can pull off whenever I play. But those will come.
What comforts me is that the tricks I do have, don't seem to occur to a lot of people around here.
- mikah
Hmmm, that would be comforting yes. Like how I'm comforted that few girls jump as high as me.
(Shet, ang kapal ko talaga. Kahit totoo.)
Like I always say, Patience is a virtue. I have to tell that to myself more, is the thing.
hahaha, saan ko ba narinig na it's only bragging if it's not true.
marga
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