the nerves

thesis journal entry # 14

This will still be about Tzigane, but because something interesting happened yesterday. The day before, Nino and I were feeling much better about our execution of the steps, so much so that Nino was already bragging that we could perform it the next day. Then, the next day comes and while I'm putting on my pointe shoes, our company manager walks in and tells us that we have a lot of tentative shows coming up this month, the earliest being next Tuesday. And people were all, "If we're gonna dance on such short notice, it better be something we've been rehearsing." And someone said, "Tzigane!"

And the most curious thing happened. I started to not be able to do things that I normally could do. Like where to put my passe after Nino drops me into the fishdive after the overhead butt lift (um, it's called that because one hand is beneath the back of my left thigh, the other is under my butt) and not being able to recover properly. My double tours to the knee DISAPPEARED so Anatoli changed the step to a supported sissone split en l'air. I can do that well, it's just the idea that he changed the step that's frustrating. And all my turns are off. And it was so bad that at one point, I suddenly changed where my arms go and smacked Nino in the face with my elbow.

I realize it's a case of the nerves. I suddenly didn't feel confident enough with the possibility that we might be dancing this sooner than we thought. I was all happy without this pressure and doing everything pretty good the other day. Now look at the mess.

Both Anatoli and Nino are optimistic though. I have to shake this off somehow.