thesis journal entry # 5
(I wrote this last Friday but was only able to upload it today because I went and packed for my trip after I wrote it and couldn't be bothered to go online. And then, after dinner, I went to watch Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, which is a marvelous movie, you should go see it. When I got home after my date, I had to go to sleep because my flight the next day was at 5:30am and my parents wanted to leave the house at 2 because they believed with all their heart that you needed to be at the airport two hours before your departure time. I'm currently in a rush to print these out for my Research prof so I'm not bothering clarifying the tenses and when I felt all this exactly. But I know you're smart enough to figure all that out. So.)
We don't have ballet class today because it's the anniversary of the EDSA revolution; we're not off because we're observing the holiday, we're off because our studio is located a block away from the EDSA shrine and it might mean we would be unable to get to the studio to rehearse because of all the traffic and blocked roads and no transportation. Otherwise, we would have rehearsed, I'm pretty sure of it.
Anyway, I've decided today to reflect on the pieces we're performing tomorrow in Davao. We're performing for the NCCA-sponsored Sayaw Pinoy, a festival of dances in celebration of National Arts Month. I'm surprised that we're only dancing in Davao this year. Last year, we danced in Pasig and again in Cebu, while the other participating groups got to perform at two places each also, all throughout the Philippines. Also, I didn't see a schedule this year, so I'm not sure how many other performances there were. But I'm assuming there are other performances.
We're performing Vinta, Tzigane and the Grand Pas De Deux from La Bayadere. Today, I'll discuss my thoughts of Vinta.
Vinta has been in the PBT repertoire for a long time now; if I remember correctly, it was first danced by Lisa Macuja as the lead dancer. Most of PBT's principal dancers had performed not only the lead, but had gone through the ranks, dancing the roles of the corps de ballet, then of the demi-soloist before dancing the part of the lead.
Vinta is an abstract, thematic ballet inspired by the sailboats of the same name in Mindanao. It is in classical ballet form and danced en pointe, but somewhat stylized. The movements are polished with touches attributed to the Muslim - flexed hands, angular arms and legs, heads held regally high while maintaining an aloof veneer, with eyes cast down. The women wear long-sleeved unitards with muslim patterns at the hems of the pants and sleeves, a pearl- studded headband, and wear a malong around their bodies and use them in the dance. The three men are in unitards fashioned in a Venus cut, and end right below their knees.
Vinta was choreographed by PBT's current artistic director Gener Caringal to music by Vangelis, soaring and evocative electronic music with symphonic and rock elements, and with a sampling of waves crashing and wind howling in the background. Lengths of cloth are stretched across the stage at the start and end of the dance. These cloths, as well as the movements of the dancers are supposed to evoke the Mindanao sailboats on the water. It is unclear whether we are the sailboat or the crew of the sailboat or the waves that push the sailboat. But then, that's the fun part of the abstract ballet, we can be anything.
I'm dancing as one of the four corps de ballet girls; there used to be six but over time, they had to cut two of the girls out of the choreography because it was performed a lot during tours. In the past year, there was a chance to make it six again but that was dropped because the costume mistress couldn't find the other two corps de ballet costumes, which must have been buried so deep in the costume room from all the years they weren't brought out to be performed in.
Anyway, I love dancing Vinta. Even as one of the corps, I think it's not a kulelat part because most of the dancing in Vinta is difficult; in PBT you're cast in Vinta when you get to a certain level in the company. If you perform Vintaon a level that doesn't meet the choreographer's standards, you're screwed. I'm serious - there are a lot of horror stories about making mistakes in Vinta that were seen by Tito G. Let's just say that Tito G can be a sweet man but he's really a terror when it comes to discipline, dancing and performance.
(No, he doesn't hit us, if that's what you thought I meant. You don't have to physically hurt someone to make them scared of you. And it's more like scared enough never to make that mistake, or any mistake, again.)
Back to my point. I love dancing Vinta because the movements are demanding and precise, but they really flow into each other - as long as you remember where your hands go while holding and letting go of that malong. It's pretty good dancing and there's a lot of triumphant senses of fulfillment when you exit that stage after dancing your best. It's also very musical, even driven by the music at times. And the dance is so structuired that even the patterns made on the floor while crossing each other make interesting shapes that contribute to the overall effect of the dance.
The lead boy in Vinta had been performed by Manny Molina, Nicolas Pacana, Raoul Banzon, once or twice by Osias Barroso Jr, Quincy Jacinto, Ron Jaynario and Lucas Jacinto. Lucas and Quincy are my brothers, Raoul is my uncle, my mom's brother. At one early performance of Vinta, performed by Lisa Macuja and Nicolas Pacana, with my family in the audience, Julie Borromeo, whom my Dad used to dance for during his time, had remarked to him, "That shouldn't be him (Pacana) up there. You know, everytime I see this, I can see you dancing."
My Dad used to be not only Tita Julie's star dancer, but also Lucresia Urtula's when he was dancing for Bayanihan and Conching Sunico's when he danced for Karilagan. People would call his dancing "magnetic" and "earthy." He had (and still has) this suave way of moving and a stage presence you can't ignore. His favorite beef about his dancing was that he was never tapped to play Prince roles, which always went to Nonoy Froilan and Franklin Bobadilla; Dad was always the contravida. But he was the kind of villain that made women swoon - my mother fell in love with him when she saw him dance an Igorot warrior solo.
Princes hardly make effective Vinta leads. Pacana is one example, Shaz Barroso is another. While Lisa mostly trusted Shaz to partner her throughout her career as a ballerina, she would only perform Vinta with Shaz a few times, and then mostly with Raoul, who is more a rogue than a romantic lead.
Then came the time Quincy was cast in Vinta; everyone was so awed by his attack of the role, from Tita Julie to adoring audiences to our younger brother Lucas. So much so that when Lucas was cast in Vinta after he came back to dancing professionally and Quincy left for the States, he was very afraid to dance it, afraid that he'll perform it and forever hear, "Well, it wasn't as good as Quincy's."
Lucas is a Prince. When he was way younger, he was even dubbed "The future Prince of Philippine Ballet," the next Prince after Nonoy Froilan. And he did live up to it. He is tall, regal and handsome and he can do clean yet impressive turns, jumps and tricks. Quincy is more like my father, always ticked off at Lucas because he's the obvious Prince, never mind if his roles have lots of meat on them already. Quincy was expected to do a fantastic Vinta and he delivered. People weren't quite as sure of Lucas in the same role.
But the day of his Vinta premiere came and the same people were stunned (myself included, but not quite as much, I think). Lucas had somehow found enough mojo to be convincingly magnetic and powerful. He did it so well, that in the past two years, nobody else has danced his role in Vinta except for him.
One of his secrets to success is quite funny. I said him once, "Ang galing ng Vinta mo ah." And he replied, "Kasi pag sinasayaw ko, iniisip ko na (and he strikes a strong Vinta pose) ako si Quincy."
Actually, there was one person who wasn't quite impressed with Lucas' first Vinta performance. That would be my Dad. He gave my brother pointers about what to do with the role, how to approach it. Over time, Lucas has studied, applied and perfected them and his Vinta keeps getting better and better with each show. A couple weeks ago, at the La Salle show, I thought it was his best performance yet. As he gets better dancing this dance, so do I feel that my dancing this dance has also improved. I suppose it's one of the reasons why I love dancing Vinta so much. Or any kind of dancing in general.
Monday, February 28, 2005
show stories
thesis journal entry # 6
We were informed that we're performing with another Ballet group and three folk dance groups. The Philippine Normal University's folk dance troupe, the Kislap Sining Dance Troupe, is supposed to join us, but they don't seem to be anywhere in sight. We blocked on the stage after lunch and were given a chance to rest (5am flight) either in the hotel or in the venue, which is the CAP theatre. Some of the dancers decided to go back to the hotel, others decided it was better to stay at the theater rather than move around too much, making rest bitin because we had to be back at the theater in an hour and a half anyway. I stayed at the theatre for that reason. And because I wanted to watch the other groups rehearse.
I'm assuming they're two different folk dance groups, but it's hard to tell because there's so many of them and there isn't any particular delineation between them. The small woman who welcomed us at the airport and the head of the PNU troupe rehearsed each dance, so it was hard to tell if the people there all belonged to just one group or the small woman was in charge of the other two groups.
One group performed a recognizable dance, of a group of girls carrying large baskets and woven cloths over their heads (I was not able to get the name of this dance, most probably of our highland peoples). I had seen this exact dance previously performed by the PNU group and the difference between the performers was staggering.
As I recall, the PNU group executed all their steps in unflinching unison - each step performed according to exact specifics: where they hold their arms, the measurement of how big or small each shoulder shrug should be, the length of the strides, the tilt of their heads. I'm assuming that this is because the dancers of PNU are training to be teachers and you can see that they are learning their dances not only to perform them but to be able to teach them to other people. Meanwhile, the groups present today had most likely come from the local schools and probably danced in their school's folk dance club or were taking it for PE. Or something similar.
The regional troupe who danced this highland dance with the baskets (from Holy Cross College) did make their own efforts to dance together and to keep their lines but you could see the awkwardness of the steps from lack of training and rehearsals and that they moved according to how they understood the step on their own. Larry Gabao, the head of the PNU troupe, had them rehearsing this dance over and over, which is probably what he would have demanded from his own group.
----
It's a strange "festival" this year. It seemed more like a recital with PBT as guest dancers. We were joined by three ballet schools - children!!! - and three folk dance groups, none of which were the PNU. Turns out the PNU's participation was cancelled at the last minute, probably to make way for the local groups. So the three folk dance groups were the Holy Cross College dance troupe, The University of the Immaculate Conception dance troupe and the Madayaw Dance Ensemble.
I'm thinking then that it wasn't even a real festival, at least not like how it was last year, a celebration of the different kinds of dance in the Philippines, with more professional participants. Then again, I doubt that the audience minded.
Speaking of the audience minding: in the La Bayadere Grand Pas, we three variation girls (myself, Betsy and Tasha) did really well except for one glitch. At the end of our variation, we do a single, then double lame duck to the right, and finish the dance with our arms up in 5th position. Tasha got suddenly confused as to where to put her arms during the turn (typical of Tasha to suddenly get confused in the middle of executing the step) and it threw her turn off. Since Betsy could see her, she got confused as to whether Tasha was right and she was wrong (typical of Betsy) and was almost thrown off her turn, wobbling on her finish. They were both in my line of vision and their confusion distracted me in mid-turn (typical of me to notice something going wrong while dancing) and it threw me off. Because of this, the audience were confused about that entire mess and almost didn't applaud. They did clap a little bit, mercy claps. It was beyond funny.
Otherwise, we ballet dancers performed really well and were quite well received. The other groups were excited about the show the next day and a lot of them kept asking me "Sasayaw rin kayo bukas?"
----
Kiddie Anecdote # 1
Before Vinta, I was standing beside this little kid waiting for her cue to go onstage. She pulls my arm and asks me, "Ano sayaw niyo?" I said, "Manood ka nalang," because I didn't want to try to explain Vinta to the little kid waiting for her cue. She then asked, "Pero anong tawag sa sayaw niyo?" So I replied, "Vinta." She screwed up her nose and said, "Ano yon?" Maybe Vintas don't sail the Davao waters anymore? Or maybe they call it somewhere else there? Or maybe I'm talking to a little child?
Hehe, "ano yon" indeed.
----
Kiddie Anecdote # 2
After the show, we were all trying to dress up in this makeshift changing space, I was the last one to get out of my tutu because I was busy coordinating that the curtain that closes around us remain closed. Because of that, I was the only one still in a tutu when one of the Mommies called in and asked if any one was still in costume and could that person please pose with her daughter for pictures to inspire the kid to continue taking dance lessons.
Of course that had to be me. The other girls were laughing their heads off as I went to comply with this request.
It was cute: the little girl I was posing with was so excited to be posing with a real live ballerina. When that was done, I wasn't - other girls wanted their picture taken with me too. It was so funny. This must be how a mascot feels like.
We were informed that we're performing with another Ballet group and three folk dance groups. The Philippine Normal University's folk dance troupe, the Kislap Sining Dance Troupe, is supposed to join us, but they don't seem to be anywhere in sight. We blocked on the stage after lunch and were given a chance to rest (5am flight) either in the hotel or in the venue, which is the CAP theatre. Some of the dancers decided to go back to the hotel, others decided it was better to stay at the theater rather than move around too much, making rest bitin because we had to be back at the theater in an hour and a half anyway. I stayed at the theatre for that reason. And because I wanted to watch the other groups rehearse.
I'm assuming they're two different folk dance groups, but it's hard to tell because there's so many of them and there isn't any particular delineation between them. The small woman who welcomed us at the airport and the head of the PNU troupe rehearsed each dance, so it was hard to tell if the people there all belonged to just one group or the small woman was in charge of the other two groups.
One group performed a recognizable dance, of a group of girls carrying large baskets and woven cloths over their heads (I was not able to get the name of this dance, most probably of our highland peoples). I had seen this exact dance previously performed by the PNU group and the difference between the performers was staggering.
As I recall, the PNU group executed all their steps in unflinching unison - each step performed according to exact specifics: where they hold their arms, the measurement of how big or small each shoulder shrug should be, the length of the strides, the tilt of their heads. I'm assuming that this is because the dancers of PNU are training to be teachers and you can see that they are learning their dances not only to perform them but to be able to teach them to other people. Meanwhile, the groups present today had most likely come from the local schools and probably danced in their school's folk dance club or were taking it for PE. Or something similar.
The regional troupe who danced this highland dance with the baskets (from Holy Cross College) did make their own efforts to dance together and to keep their lines but you could see the awkwardness of the steps from lack of training and rehearsals and that they moved according to how they understood the step on their own. Larry Gabao, the head of the PNU troupe, had them rehearsing this dance over and over, which is probably what he would have demanded from his own group.
----
It's a strange "festival" this year. It seemed more like a recital with PBT as guest dancers. We were joined by three ballet schools - children!!! - and three folk dance groups, none of which were the PNU. Turns out the PNU's participation was cancelled at the last minute, probably to make way for the local groups. So the three folk dance groups were the Holy Cross College dance troupe, The University of the Immaculate Conception dance troupe and the Madayaw Dance Ensemble.
I'm thinking then that it wasn't even a real festival, at least not like how it was last year, a celebration of the different kinds of dance in the Philippines, with more professional participants. Then again, I doubt that the audience minded.
Speaking of the audience minding: in the La Bayadere Grand Pas, we three variation girls (myself, Betsy and Tasha) did really well except for one glitch. At the end of our variation, we do a single, then double lame duck to the right, and finish the dance with our arms up in 5th position. Tasha got suddenly confused as to where to put her arms during the turn (typical of Tasha to suddenly get confused in the middle of executing the step) and it threw her turn off. Since Betsy could see her, she got confused as to whether Tasha was right and she was wrong (typical of Betsy) and was almost thrown off her turn, wobbling on her finish. They were both in my line of vision and their confusion distracted me in mid-turn (typical of me to notice something going wrong while dancing) and it threw me off. Because of this, the audience were confused about that entire mess and almost didn't applaud. They did clap a little bit, mercy claps. It was beyond funny.
Otherwise, we ballet dancers performed really well and were quite well received. The other groups were excited about the show the next day and a lot of them kept asking me "Sasayaw rin kayo bukas?"
----
Kiddie Anecdote # 1
Before Vinta, I was standing beside this little kid waiting for her cue to go onstage. She pulls my arm and asks me, "Ano sayaw niyo?" I said, "Manood ka nalang," because I didn't want to try to explain Vinta to the little kid waiting for her cue. She then asked, "Pero anong tawag sa sayaw niyo?" So I replied, "Vinta." She screwed up her nose and said, "Ano yon?" Maybe Vintas don't sail the Davao waters anymore? Or maybe they call it somewhere else there? Or maybe I'm talking to a little child?
Hehe, "ano yon" indeed.
----
Kiddie Anecdote # 2
After the show, we were all trying to dress up in this makeshift changing space, I was the last one to get out of my tutu because I was busy coordinating that the curtain that closes around us remain closed. Because of that, I was the only one still in a tutu when one of the Mommies called in and asked if any one was still in costume and could that person please pose with her daughter for pictures to inspire the kid to continue taking dance lessons.
Of course that had to be me. The other girls were laughing their heads off as I went to comply with this request.
It was cute: the little girl I was posing with was so excited to be posing with a real live ballerina. When that was done, I wasn't - other girls wanted their picture taken with me too. It was so funny. This must be how a mascot feels like.
audiences everywhere
thesis journal entry # 7
I discovered last night that we were also supposed to dance in Gen San. But then the bombs went off and we were supposed to travel to Gen San from Davao by bus, so the Gen San trip was nixed. I'm not sure if the Gen San performance was part of the National Arts Month program or just an extra thing we're doing because we're already here anyway.
We're not dancing today because we were informed by the organizers that the stage at today's venue was not conducive for dancing. So we manage to get Kit and Alvin to simplify their steps for Tzigane and Tiffany to do an improv to Phantom of the Opera (the only other CD any of us brought that wasn't hiphop) while the rest of us can shop (the venue of today's show is a mall).
Then, we get there to discover that the stage is like the usual stage malls set up (those black platforms they piece together) and we've danced on those. But the organizers had already been convinced that we don't have to dance today, and a lot of the other dancers already had their minds set to not dancing. So Kit and Alvin did Tzigane and Tiffany did her improv and the audience at the Davao mall were okay with that (I should know because I was sitting in the audience during the show, watching them as much as I was watching the show itself).
Actually, I've been trying to figure out if there are differences between audiences from different places and it's strange that there seems to be similar audience reactions whether you're from the city, from the north or from the south, which makes you think it's the same audience pretty much anywhere. They clap exuberantly when they see the impressive-looking overhead lifts and multiple turns. Moreover, they all generally like what they see. Ballet doesn't bore them, as they're always attentive and appreciative.
So it's not expected for these people to come to CCP to watch our season shows, but it doesn't mean that the Filipino people find ballet to be an alien art form, like I was proposing in defense of the significance of my thesis topic. Perhaps it's just easier for them to catch ballet when they go to a mall. Everyone knows Filipinos love the mall.
I discovered last night that we were also supposed to dance in Gen San. But then the bombs went off and we were supposed to travel to Gen San from Davao by bus, so the Gen San trip was nixed. I'm not sure if the Gen San performance was part of the National Arts Month program or just an extra thing we're doing because we're already here anyway.
We're not dancing today because we were informed by the organizers that the stage at today's venue was not conducive for dancing. So we manage to get Kit and Alvin to simplify their steps for Tzigane and Tiffany to do an improv to Phantom of the Opera (the only other CD any of us brought that wasn't hiphop) while the rest of us can shop (the venue of today's show is a mall).
Then, we get there to discover that the stage is like the usual stage malls set up (those black platforms they piece together) and we've danced on those. But the organizers had already been convinced that we don't have to dance today, and a lot of the other dancers already had their minds set to not dancing. So Kit and Alvin did Tzigane and Tiffany did her improv and the audience at the Davao mall were okay with that (I should know because I was sitting in the audience during the show, watching them as much as I was watching the show itself).
Actually, I've been trying to figure out if there are differences between audiences from different places and it's strange that there seems to be similar audience reactions whether you're from the city, from the north or from the south, which makes you think it's the same audience pretty much anywhere. They clap exuberantly when they see the impressive-looking overhead lifts and multiple turns. Moreover, they all generally like what they see. Ballet doesn't bore them, as they're always attentive and appreciative.
So it's not expected for these people to come to CCP to watch our season shows, but it doesn't mean that the Filipino people find ballet to be an alien art form, like I was proposing in defense of the significance of my thesis topic. Perhaps it's just easier for them to catch ballet when they go to a mall. Everyone knows Filipinos love the mall.
Friday, February 25, 2005
boys, yeah yeah, boys
thesis journal entry # 4
An interesting thing happened in ballet class today (technically yesterday). Anatoli sometimes gives the strangest steps; yesterday, he made us jump a pique turn. A pique turn is done with one foot pivoting on the floor. Jumping it seemed difficult, even to the boys. But when you get the theory of it and try it out a couple times, it's actually pretty easy to do. On your side, at least.
When you say "your side," in ballet, you're referring to the "side" on which you can perform certain steps better. Right handed people can turn more pirouettes and fouettes and double tours on their right, while left handed people can do things better when it's done to the left. Most people are right handed and their side is to the right, but the few lefties are actually brilliant when they do what they do and are still able to do adequate steps to the right. Some people can be right-handed and yet find it easier to execute steps to the left. I have no idea why that is, just that it exists.
Anyway, my side is the right, except I can do good turns to the left as well, sometimes my left turns are better than my right. Sometimes. The pique turn en l'air however is only a right-handed step for me, I realize that afternoon.
I jump high. I'm not bragging or anything, I'm stating a fact. I don't leap tall buildings in a single bound, but for a girl, I can jump pretty high. So much so that I can turn while jumping, something only boys are expected to do. I don't really care what the boys think of this phenomena; I don't join their combinations in class because I want to show them up, I only do them for myself.
The pique turn en l'air however was given to both girls and boys. The girls did theirs without barely getting off the floor. I did mine (to the right) pretty high up and I think it stirred some discontent in the boys who found the step difficult. So when we did the exercise to the left and I couldn't complete my turn to the left (nearly falling), I heard some of the boys not only snicker at me, but laugh outright.
This is so grade school, but it made me feel frustrated. I only felt better when some of them couldn't do it to the left, either.
I have to conk myself on the head, though. Was feeling bad necessary? They're just boys being themselves, frogs, snails, puppydogs' tails and all. But some of the most important things in life you do learn in kindergarten. Like humility. Well, I still insist I wasn't showing off, I was merely doing the combination. But I think I have to consider what will draw attention to me, especially in an environment where a lot of egos are jete-ing through the room. You may think you're not showing off, but other people don't necessarily think the way you do.
For a year now, I've been working on not letting what other people think get to me. I still need to work on that some more, obviously.
An interesting thing happened in ballet class today (technically yesterday). Anatoli sometimes gives the strangest steps; yesterday, he made us jump a pique turn. A pique turn is done with one foot pivoting on the floor. Jumping it seemed difficult, even to the boys. But when you get the theory of it and try it out a couple times, it's actually pretty easy to do. On your side, at least.
When you say "your side," in ballet, you're referring to the "side" on which you can perform certain steps better. Right handed people can turn more pirouettes and fouettes and double tours on their right, while left handed people can do things better when it's done to the left. Most people are right handed and their side is to the right, but the few lefties are actually brilliant when they do what they do and are still able to do adequate steps to the right. Some people can be right-handed and yet find it easier to execute steps to the left. I have no idea why that is, just that it exists.
Anyway, my side is the right, except I can do good turns to the left as well, sometimes my left turns are better than my right. Sometimes. The pique turn en l'air however is only a right-handed step for me, I realize that afternoon.
I jump high. I'm not bragging or anything, I'm stating a fact. I don't leap tall buildings in a single bound, but for a girl, I can jump pretty high. So much so that I can turn while jumping, something only boys are expected to do. I don't really care what the boys think of this phenomena; I don't join their combinations in class because I want to show them up, I only do them for myself.
The pique turn en l'air however was given to both girls and boys. The girls did theirs without barely getting off the floor. I did mine (to the right) pretty high up and I think it stirred some discontent in the boys who found the step difficult. So when we did the exercise to the left and I couldn't complete my turn to the left (nearly falling), I heard some of the boys not only snicker at me, but laugh outright.
This is so grade school, but it made me feel frustrated. I only felt better when some of them couldn't do it to the left, either.
I have to conk myself on the head, though. Was feeling bad necessary? They're just boys being themselves, frogs, snails, puppydogs' tails and all. But some of the most important things in life you do learn in kindergarten. Like humility. Well, I still insist I wasn't showing off, I was merely doing the combination. But I think I have to consider what will draw attention to me, especially in an environment where a lot of egos are jete-ing through the room. You may think you're not showing off, but other people don't necessarily think the way you do.
For a year now, I've been working on not letting what other people think get to me. I still need to work on that some more, obviously.
pot calling the kettle black
Aha! *Me pointing an accusatory finger at myself*
I was just a few posts ago whining about not being taken seriously by people because I look too yummy to be smart and here I am a few posts later, doing the same to somebody else. AAAAAAHHH!!!
Jon Johnson, your royal yumminess, I apologize.
Okay, back to our regular programming.
I was just a few posts ago whining about not being taken seriously by people because I look too yummy to be smart and here I am a few posts later, doing the same to somebody else. AAAAAAHHH!!!
Jon Johnson, your royal yumminess, I apologize.
Okay, back to our regular programming.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
merf...
thesis journal entry #3
Preliminary rehearsals for the Davao performance. Actually, since we have only a few days to rehearse for the Davao performance, day one is preliminary stuff for recalling the dance, in this case the Grand Pas de Deux from the second act of La Bayadere, and for any new people doing the dance for the first time to learn the steps, etc, and then day two is the big rehearsal of the entire repertoire, en pointe and on performance level. But then, we get used to it.
We haven't been performing the La Bayadere Grand Pas in the longest time, so even if my variation used to feel like second nature when I danced it six months ago, there's a lot that I'm not sure about. But after a couple of rehearsals, I remember everything again. Which is good because when I danced it in July, I was dancing it flawlessly each performance. I think I said as much to my sister and she was all, "Ang kapal mo naman."
But kakapalan aside, I felt really safe in the fact that I was doing my variations flawlessly. Meaning, I could do it without worrying about it and would be able to enjoy myself while dancing it. I've been thinking that this is how I want to dance, without worry, with only enjoyment and accomplishment that I did a wonderful job. Otherwise, what would you be dancing for?
I've been recently feeling irritated about the post-show dressing room conversations, involving all the mistakes they did during the show in high-pitched complaint mode. Why do that? I wish I could tell them not to stress about it, to take their mistakes and use them in the studio when we rehearse so that we can learn from them. But I think they're actually enjoying the whining. I just wish they'd do it far away from me.
Preliminary rehearsals for the Davao performance. Actually, since we have only a few days to rehearse for the Davao performance, day one is preliminary stuff for recalling the dance, in this case the Grand Pas de Deux from the second act of La Bayadere, and for any new people doing the dance for the first time to learn the steps, etc, and then day two is the big rehearsal of the entire repertoire, en pointe and on performance level. But then, we get used to it.
We haven't been performing the La Bayadere Grand Pas in the longest time, so even if my variation used to feel like second nature when I danced it six months ago, there's a lot that I'm not sure about. But after a couple of rehearsals, I remember everything again. Which is good because when I danced it in July, I was dancing it flawlessly each performance. I think I said as much to my sister and she was all, "Ang kapal mo naman."
But kakapalan aside, I felt really safe in the fact that I was doing my variations flawlessly. Meaning, I could do it without worrying about it and would be able to enjoy myself while dancing it. I've been thinking that this is how I want to dance, without worry, with only enjoyment and accomplishment that I did a wonderful job. Otherwise, what would you be dancing for?
I've been recently feeling irritated about the post-show dressing room conversations, involving all the mistakes they did during the show in high-pitched complaint mode. Why do that? I wish I could tell them not to stress about it, to take their mistakes and use them in the studio when we rehearse so that we can learn from them. But I think they're actually enjoying the whining. I just wish they'd do it far away from me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
is there a factory for perfect men?
Or is it just a small boutique that outsources their cutters and sewers?
I know who won Manhunt. I surfed the net for pictures of Jon Johnson (the pics you saw a couple of posts ago) and the official website said who won. I'm glad, though, because I like who won. No, I will not kill it for you and say who.
(I think I'm the only person who reads my blog who watches Manhunt, but I'm still not giving away who won. You can surf the net for it if you really want to know, you're not hearing it from me.)
I really really like my manok, Jon Johnson, though. He's so incredibly pretty, but at the same time, he's cool and not irritating or too vain or desperate, like some of the other guys. All the guys have their bios up on the official site and I laughed at some of the other guys' and was so "You've got to be kidding me!" upon reading Jon Johnson's. First off, he's a physics major and he's taking astrophysics and is intent on flying a space shuttle someday. For most of the guys on the show, their big career dream is to win this contest, while Jon Johnson wants to fly a space shuttle. And guess what, he's been playing the piano his entire life, and he likes to play Jazz. I started thinking, am I really attracted to people who turn out to be physics majors and jazz musicians? Jon Johnson is also, primarily, very passionate about surfing. Which computes more, I guess, and doesn't make the prior stuff all that shocking.
And I'm thinking, how are perfect men made? It seems a sin that such yummy goodness (majoring in astrophysics, is dedicated to his girlfriend, has excellent taste in music - his favorite album is Led Zep's Physical Graffiti) walks this earth. Observe:
Isn't it unfair? Then again, he's supposed to have really bad teeth and is only 5'11". Yeah, like those are really flaws you notice.
I guess, besides the yummy goodness, I really like him and am still rooting for him in Manhunt because he just goes and does his thing without complaint or drama. He has fun and is cool about stuff. He on a whole has a really good, deep personality, which I realize I really look for when choosing amongst men, even if it's a contest for America's most gorgeous male model.
Naturally, an entry about a perfect man will bring me to thoughts about how lucky I am that I found the perfect man for me. Or was it he who found me? (Or was it the seagull?) I mean, how much luck is involved in falling in love with somebody's mind before discovering that this whip-smart guy you've been talking to all week turns out to be such yummy goodness as well? And he doesn't feel threatened that I watch Manhunt, much less blog about my favorite contestant in detail. I have a yummy, ultra-intelligent, talented, independent man to love.
Sometimes, it feels unfair, like what did I do to get so lucky? But I've learned not to care. I've been a good girl.
I know who won Manhunt. I surfed the net for pictures of Jon Johnson (the pics you saw a couple of posts ago) and the official website said who won. I'm glad, though, because I like who won. No, I will not kill it for you and say who.
(I think I'm the only person who reads my blog who watches Manhunt, but I'm still not giving away who won. You can surf the net for it if you really want to know, you're not hearing it from me.)
I really really like my manok, Jon Johnson, though. He's so incredibly pretty, but at the same time, he's cool and not irritating or too vain or desperate, like some of the other guys. All the guys have their bios up on the official site and I laughed at some of the other guys' and was so "You've got to be kidding me!" upon reading Jon Johnson's. First off, he's a physics major and he's taking astrophysics and is intent on flying a space shuttle someday. For most of the guys on the show, their big career dream is to win this contest, while Jon Johnson wants to fly a space shuttle. And guess what, he's been playing the piano his entire life, and he likes to play Jazz. I started thinking, am I really attracted to people who turn out to be physics majors and jazz musicians? Jon Johnson is also, primarily, very passionate about surfing. Which computes more, I guess, and doesn't make the prior stuff all that shocking.
And I'm thinking, how are perfect men made? It seems a sin that such yummy goodness (majoring in astrophysics, is dedicated to his girlfriend, has excellent taste in music - his favorite album is Led Zep's Physical Graffiti) walks this earth. Observe:
Isn't it unfair? Then again, he's supposed to have really bad teeth and is only 5'11". Yeah, like those are really flaws you notice.
I guess, besides the yummy goodness, I really like him and am still rooting for him in Manhunt because he just goes and does his thing without complaint or drama. He has fun and is cool about stuff. He on a whole has a really good, deep personality, which I realize I really look for when choosing amongst men, even if it's a contest for America's most gorgeous male model.
Naturally, an entry about a perfect man will bring me to thoughts about how lucky I am that I found the perfect man for me. Or was it he who found me? (Or was it the seagull?) I mean, how much luck is involved in falling in love with somebody's mind before discovering that this whip-smart guy you've been talking to all week turns out to be such yummy goodness as well? And he doesn't feel threatened that I watch Manhunt, much less blog about my favorite contestant in detail. I have a yummy, ultra-intelligent, talented, independent man to love.
Sometimes, it feels unfair, like what did I do to get so lucky? But I've learned not to care. I've been a good girl.
noting applause
thesis journal entry #2
The audience tonight was composed of La Salle's night students; I was surprised actually, I didn't expect La Salle to have classes for career people. A group of them were even deaf-mutes, so they didn't hear the music, but that didn't seem to kill the experience for them. The organizers prepped the audience before the show about how to be an audience for ballet, including encouraging them to clap when they felt impressed with what was going on onstage. It was interesting to notice that they enthusiastically clapped each time a difficult-looking lift was done, or when anyone did fouette turns (really fast turns in one spot with one leg propelling the body around - fouette means "to whip"), or when we kicked our legs up really high. I don't think they knew quite how to react to the boys, so there wasn't really any applause when the boys did their tricks ("tricks" is colloquially what we call the difficult steps for male dancers). They did clap enthusiastically for Nino after his "Sa Ugoy Ng Duyan" solo, but then solos should get that kind of attention. Overall, the audience were receptive and attentive and honestly appreciative. They weren't going "Whooaaaa..." all the time, like the six-graders did.
We finished the show with Classical Symphony, which was choreographed by Anatoli, mainly according to the Classical Ballet aesthetic of pure lines and prettiness. I was thinking, while putting on my tiara for this piece, that if I were to write a paper or review this for publication, I would point out that it was called Classical Symphony yet the music Anatoly uses aren't quite pieces from the Classical period, whether from the Classical period of music or the Classical period of Dance. Still, it works as a showpiece; nobody from the audience I think is going to nitpick about that.
At one point of the first dance (Classical Symphony has four dances in it, an entrada, two variations, and a coda, but we only performed three dances tonight), towards the end, the girls are doing swift passe retires while the boys are jumping temps leves with entrechats, and as everyone is moving as one big unit, the audience erupts into applause. If you're going to show ballet to people who probably have never seen any ballet before, pieces like Classical Symphony is probably what they're expecting and what they'll be most appreciative of.
Near the stage, a few rows from the front, sat a little girl, perhaps the daughter of one of the working students. Every so often, my eyes would be drawn towards her because her arms would be slowly flailing every which way, as she was dancing along with us. It was the cutest thing.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
we need the money...
thesis journal entry #1
Rehearsing for the La Salle show tomorrow. My brother Lucas has joked that PBT is now the resident dance company for La Salle Greenhills because we've danced there already four times within the last two months. It's strange to dance for an all-boys private school, they're not the kind of audience I'd expect would really appreciate ballet. So far, they like seeing the girls lift up their legs. Well, they could really have enjoyed watching us dance, but we can never really know for sure what they thought exactly.
My problem with dancing for a private school is they think they can call us over for an 8am show and think it shouldn't be difficult for us. They don't know that we have to be warmed up and made up by eight and we need to take class at 6 so that we can be warm enough for a performance at 8, meaning we have to be up by 5 to make it to class at 6. I know regular people are awake by 5 to get their days going, I just find it inhumane to people who normally start their working days at 2 in the afternoon.
Oh well. To quote Anatoli, though, "We need the money."
He said that in reply to my concern: "What if the La Salle boys laugh at Nino?" Nino is dancing a solo for tomorrow's show, a modern piece set to "Sa Ugoy Ng Duyan," both dance and song bearing the same title. The piece is, I think, about an old man remembering his younger life - the old man thing I got from this gesture that starts the piece, Nino is sitting on a chair and he starts shaking his hand as if he has arthritis. He leaps and stretches throughout the dance, abruptly interrupting these graceful movements with jarred agitations throughout his body, as if he is going insane all of a sudden and then stopping and dancing fluidly again. I think the La Salle boys will watch this and find it hilarious, which is a shame because Nino does it incredibly well - quite impressive really, since he had only learned the dance over the weekend.
We'll see tomorrow. I'm really glad though that the show tomorrow is at 6 in the evening and not at 8 in the morning.
Dancing highlight of my day: I kinda rehearsed Tzigane. Kinda because I am not the one actually rehearsing it, Kit is dancing Tzigane with Ron tomorrow. I'm made to learn the dance so that I can perform it in the future. I don't know what my chances are of actually dancing it, but it's fun to do. Kinda also because, since we're doing it in the back while Kit and Ron are rehearsing and I'm not wearing my pointe shoes, I didn't dance it full out, I just marked it. I marked it because we're performing it in the back, plus I'm not wearing my pointe shoes, plus Nino, who's my partner in this dance, is still in the process of memorizing it. The little that we actually did was really nice, though. Maybe I'm just blowing smoke out my ass but I really think that when I do Tzigane in its entirety, I will do it really well. I hope.
Rehearsing for the La Salle show tomorrow. My brother Lucas has joked that PBT is now the resident dance company for La Salle Greenhills because we've danced there already four times within the last two months. It's strange to dance for an all-boys private school, they're not the kind of audience I'd expect would really appreciate ballet. So far, they like seeing the girls lift up their legs. Well, they could really have enjoyed watching us dance, but we can never really know for sure what they thought exactly.
My problem with dancing for a private school is they think they can call us over for an 8am show and think it shouldn't be difficult for us. They don't know that we have to be warmed up and made up by eight and we need to take class at 6 so that we can be warm enough for a performance at 8, meaning we have to be up by 5 to make it to class at 6. I know regular people are awake by 5 to get their days going, I just find it inhumane to people who normally start their working days at 2 in the afternoon.
Oh well. To quote Anatoli, though, "We need the money."
He said that in reply to my concern: "What if the La Salle boys laugh at Nino?" Nino is dancing a solo for tomorrow's show, a modern piece set to "Sa Ugoy Ng Duyan," both dance and song bearing the same title. The piece is, I think, about an old man remembering his younger life - the old man thing I got from this gesture that starts the piece, Nino is sitting on a chair and he starts shaking his hand as if he has arthritis. He leaps and stretches throughout the dance, abruptly interrupting these graceful movements with jarred agitations throughout his body, as if he is going insane all of a sudden and then stopping and dancing fluidly again. I think the La Salle boys will watch this and find it hilarious, which is a shame because Nino does it incredibly well - quite impressive really, since he had only learned the dance over the weekend.
We'll see tomorrow. I'm really glad though that the show tomorrow is at 6 in the evening and not at 8 in the morning.
Dancing highlight of my day: I kinda rehearsed Tzigane. Kinda because I am not the one actually rehearsing it, Kit is dancing Tzigane with Ron tomorrow. I'm made to learn the dance so that I can perform it in the future. I don't know what my chances are of actually dancing it, but it's fun to do. Kinda also because, since we're doing it in the back while Kit and Ron are rehearsing and I'm not wearing my pointe shoes, I didn't dance it full out, I just marked it. I marked it because we're performing it in the back, plus I'm not wearing my pointe shoes, plus Nino, who's my partner in this dance, is still in the process of memorizing it. The little that we actually did was really nice, though. Maybe I'm just blowing smoke out my ass but I really think that when I do Tzigane in its entirety, I will do it really well. I hope.
cleaning out the clutter
My Research prof thinks I'm still not quite sure what I want to do with my thesis exactly. Now, I have to admit, I super agree. I think much of my angst has been because I've been trying to defend ballet as something worthy of study. I realize now that she was negative about my thesis then because of this problem - I was too busy being defensive about ballet having significance that the essence of what was so significant hardly existed. I had a few ideas here and there and I was trying to construct an entire paper on those scattered ideas.
Anyway, she tells me that I shouldn't feel bad if I'm still confused and asking a lot of questions about what I want to focus on. (I blame it on my doing too too many things.) She suggests I really narrow it down and make it easy on myself by writing about what's closest to my heart. Obviously, ballet, but what about ballet? I guess I still want to write about the pas de deux, I just got too excited about including folk and ethnic dance in it that I'm getting too in over my head again. When do I have time to really go into the field and do the required research? Especially when I'm already dancing full time and trying to get extra stuff in? Point!!! Perhaps, match point even.
So she made me write a thesis journal. This week will be important because from the seven entries I discuss with her next week, we'll figure out what I am really passionate about in the here and now. Or I suspect that's what I'm doing this for. In this journal, I will write down all my ballet thoughts and observations and questions. I have super a lot. This journal will help me find my focus.
I'm super admitting it here: I have none. (Let's say it again: I blame it on my doing too too many things!) I have all these thoughts running around in my head like headless chickens but focus? Focus is the name of the Body Shop perfume oil my parents gave me as a graduation present, partly because it smells so me and partly to remind me that I should try to have focus.
So I will keep this thesis journal, all the way through while writing this thesis, and post here in my sleepyhouse. I will also post about other stuff, don't worry. Who knows, it will help me focus for the rest of my writing as well.
(Off the record, I kinda suspect that my Prof may believe I'm not bright enough to write this thesis. Some days, I agree wholeheartedly. Other days, I'm thinking, hey, just because I'm sexy doesn't mean I don't have a brain! But lately, yes, I've been feeling I'm not bright enough to write this thesis. Or maybe, not all there. I'd rather, you know, do sexy brainless ditz stuff. *twirls hair on forefinger*)
Anyway, she tells me that I shouldn't feel bad if I'm still confused and asking a lot of questions about what I want to focus on. (I blame it on my doing too too many things.) She suggests I really narrow it down and make it easy on myself by writing about what's closest to my heart. Obviously, ballet, but what about ballet? I guess I still want to write about the pas de deux, I just got too excited about including folk and ethnic dance in it that I'm getting too in over my head again. When do I have time to really go into the field and do the required research? Especially when I'm already dancing full time and trying to get extra stuff in? Point!!! Perhaps, match point even.
So she made me write a thesis journal. This week will be important because from the seven entries I discuss with her next week, we'll figure out what I am really passionate about in the here and now. Or I suspect that's what I'm doing this for. In this journal, I will write down all my ballet thoughts and observations and questions. I have super a lot. This journal will help me find my focus.
I'm super admitting it here: I have none. (Let's say it again: I blame it on my doing too too many things!) I have all these thoughts running around in my head like headless chickens but focus? Focus is the name of the Body Shop perfume oil my parents gave me as a graduation present, partly because it smells so me and partly to remind me that I should try to have focus.
So I will keep this thesis journal, all the way through while writing this thesis, and post here in my sleepyhouse. I will also post about other stuff, don't worry. Who knows, it will help me focus for the rest of my writing as well.
(Off the record, I kinda suspect that my Prof may believe I'm not bright enough to write this thesis. Some days, I agree wholeheartedly. Other days, I'm thinking, hey, just because I'm sexy doesn't mean I don't have a brain! But lately, yes, I've been feeling I'm not bright enough to write this thesis. Or maybe, not all there. I'd rather, you know, do sexy brainless ditz stuff. *twirls hair on forefinger*)
Monday, February 21, 2005
the last of the redlight specials
awardee of the remaining redlight specials from now on
Happy birthday lovey. Hope you get a lot of work done today. (I know you slept well, hehe).
Friday, February 18, 2005
two days, to daze
I had two days off from my real life, which strangely included blogging. I didn't sleep the entire time, I decided against sleeping the days off because I wanted to regulate my sleeping hours and have time for other stuff. I managed to get a lot of stuff done, given that I was online a lot (not blogging, just surfing and emailing and reading other people's blogs, though I did start a meme on my LJ which I will talk about later) and talking to Mikah a lot also. But then talking to Mikah is like breathing, so.
Harhar, Joelle is a cornball.
I give you bulletpoints again. If the bulletpoints are getting on your nerves, please bear with them for now, I'll get back to my regular blogging groove soon. For now, be lucky you even have bulletpoints. Hehe.
On my days off, I was able to:
Harhar, Joelle is a cornball.
I give you bulletpoints again. If the bulletpoints are getting on your nerves, please bear with them for now, I'll get back to my regular blogging groove soon. For now, be lucky you even have bulletpoints. Hehe.
On my days off, I was able to:
- Do four loads of laundry. My mom hadn't done any laundry before she left for Bora and I wasn't able to do any laundry while they were there and neither of us had done any laundry when she got back until yesterday. It was all me. I did whites, then blacks, then coloreds, then a bunch of pants. Daddy said, "Isang linggo ka nang naglalaba, ah." Yeah, it would seem like it. It's a week's worth of laundry, at the very least. I also folded my clothes and my mom's clothes and some of Jacqui's clothes that I thought were my mom's. She thought I folded them all and thanked me. Then, cursed me when I said, "Oh, I didn't fold yours." I had good reason though. Jacqui is very particular about how things are and I didn't want to fold her clothes and have her peeved at me because I folded them the wrong way. Though I do fold clothes very well, I must admit.
- Work on my thesis. I finalized the methodologies I was going to use and the outline of the thesis. I'm pretty sure it won't satisfy my icky-picky Research teacher (which I love regardless) but I don't care what she thinks of it, I'm very glad I had gotten that toe through the door. I emailed it today. I can't wait to discuss it, even if she tells me all the things I've overlooked, when I go to school on Monday.
- Watch American Idol. All the people I wanted to see get through got through. You don't know how exciting that is. It's the same with Manhunt, my other current favorite show - now the top three include my manok and Jacqui's manok and this guy we used to like but now don't. We're hoping he gets booted out next Tuesday.
My manok, Jon
Jacqui's manok, Rob
- Play catch up with my LJ community. Some of them blog on their LJs like thrice a day sometimes. There's a lot I hadn't been reading. I did appropriate this cool writing exercise where people ask you a surreal, unusual or fantastical question and you reply with a blog entry dedicated to that person. I don't post rabidly on LJ so this will give me an opportunity to make regular posts. If you want, you can check it out here and ask me a question as well. You can also ask Mikah a question as well, he's so far got really cool answers.
- Relax my knees and ankles. They don't hurt as much as they used to. When I say my butt hurts, it's because every part of my legs hurt and it's so bad that even my butt is complaining. When the butt hurts, it's serious shit already. But I'd still like a Mathilde-esque massage though.
-- By the way, if you haven't seen it yet, go check out A Very Long Engagement. Be ready for violent war scenes though.
- Spent good quality time with the fam. We went to Makati tonight because my mom's classmates are throwing a despedida for the balikbayan classmates. We didn't have dinner with them, we went to Greenbelt and ate in Kitchen. I actually like hanging out with my Dad if neither of us feel like killing each other.
- Put together a birthday gift. But that's supposed to be a surprise. Hee.
And now I must sleep. Goodnight!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
i'm so sleepy but the sleepyhouse needs me
I hadn't had much sleep over the last few days, much less time to blog, so here I am again doing the bulletpoints. It's amazing how my life is now convertible into bulletpoints. But I digress.
- My weekend was good. Running a ballet school is a breeze; perhaps the hardest part about it was getting up and leaving early enough to get to the studio before the students got there. That was the only stressful part of it, teaching all those classes were not only fun but encouraging. Encouraging because I now feel like teaching is one of those things that I'm excellent at. And I need the encouragement because scroll down to the next bulletpoint.
- It's more or less decided. I'm going to teach in UE. I think next semester. I haven't signed contracts yet and I don't know how much I'm supposed to get, but I've been called to examine the curriculum and prepare a tentative syllabus. I'll give you details when things are more definite and carved in stone.
- Some bad news. I was picked on. Because I'm the only one they can pick on. I felt bad about it because I couldn't believe that these were the people I had to deal with and the impassioned, morally-sound protector of the helpless in me just found the entire thing unfair. Don't take it out on me if you're unhappy with what you're given, if you think what you have is going to be taken away from you. Don't take it out on me if you were born an asshole and will remain an asshole your entire life. Don't take it out on me if you can't take it out on people who do much worse and get away with it. But I was trained to know from the get-go that life is often unfair and many assholes walk the earth. I was trained not to show that their pettiness and spitefullness got to me, even if they did.
- On a brighter note, I rock. I had three performances today, and while high school boys weren't falling in love at me the way they were with Tara, I danced my butt off in all of them and was very happy with myself. I did not fall apart even if my body was tired (and my butt was killing me, since I did dance it off) and my toes were painful. I slipped only once - at the end of the tours de finis in Classical Symphony but caught myself and threw myself into that arabesque and tried to hold that penchee against the ineptitude of my partner and saved that dance when it would have been unsalvageable. I pat myself on my back.
- My butt still hurts though. Maybe I need a Mathilde-esque massage.
- I really don't care if high school boys aren't screaming when I do my curtsy, it's just funny to mention because I had gotten so used to being hounded by the underaged and then when they finally prefer somebody younger, I'm all WTF? A woman's gotta have her pride, ya know? Anyway, in the real world, there's only one younger man for me, even if he's only younger by eight months. He matches me on every level and I'm still reeling from the wonderful weekend we spent together. I so look forward to the coming weekends (and the days between).
- While I did enjoy that weekend of freedom, can I just say that I'm glad that my family is back from vacation? I missed my sister, you can't tell how much. I even miss how she gets mad at me, that's how much I missed her. We're gonna go watch Meet The Fockers as soon as we can (yes, we're losers - even my mom said, "You haven't seen that yet?" - and we shall rectify that).
- I have two days off. I'm going to spend most of them sleeping in bliss. This week has officially ended for me, I've done enough dancing, sunning, stressing, crying, laughing, loving to last me all winter. Well, till I wake up again on Saturday, that is.
Friday, February 11, 2005
going indie
My parents and sister are in Bora. My brother is getting ready for an entrance exam for higher education in UP early Sunday morning. I am going to spend the weekend without parents or relatives, or anyone looking over my shoulder. It's like a dry run for what my life's gonna be like when I start to live on my own.
A short thought (or a long one that I intend to be short): how do you exactly live on your own in a country like this? In my case, it will only be when I leave the country (if ever) or get married (if ever). But then if I get married, I don't think that's exactly classified as living on your own. And if I ever leave the country, I doubt I would do so on my own. Okay, that's short enough.
I've been living pseudo-independently since 1999, though I've had to come home every weekend to teach in the studio, and since I'd be living with the rents every weekend, I never really thought of it as being on my own. When I was still working for that record label, my officemate and friend Jennie said to me right before she left her parents' house to live in an apartment two hours away, "Now I won't be so envious of you anymore." It only occurred to me then that what I was doing was considered living on my own. Even if I did come home to the rents on the weekends.
I consider this weekend as total freedom because I'm running the studio on my own. I have to make my own means to get there, to find something to eat, to get home. I can do anything I want. And even if Lucas comes home at any time, it will feel like he's only visiting.
Before they left, my Mom hugged me so alarmingly hard, like they had sent me off to prison or given me up for adoption or something. I reiterate, how do you ever really live on your own?
I hope I have time to make Nigella's Bitter Orange Ice Cream. Yum.
A short thought (or a long one that I intend to be short): how do you exactly live on your own in a country like this? In my case, it will only be when I leave the country (if ever) or get married (if ever). But then if I get married, I don't think that's exactly classified as living on your own. And if I ever leave the country, I doubt I would do so on my own. Okay, that's short enough.
I've been living pseudo-independently since 1999, though I've had to come home every weekend to teach in the studio, and since I'd be living with the rents every weekend, I never really thought of it as being on my own. When I was still working for that record label, my officemate and friend Jennie said to me right before she left her parents' house to live in an apartment two hours away, "Now I won't be so envious of you anymore." It only occurred to me then that what I was doing was considered living on my own. Even if I did come home to the rents on the weekends.
I consider this weekend as total freedom because I'm running the studio on my own. I have to make my own means to get there, to find something to eat, to get home. I can do anything I want. And even if Lucas comes home at any time, it will feel like he's only visiting.
Before they left, my Mom hugged me so alarmingly hard, like they had sent me off to prison or given me up for adoption or something. I reiterate, how do you ever really live on your own?
I hope I have time to make Nigella's Bitter Orange Ice Cream. Yum.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
i miss discovery travel and adventure - a food post
I've been watching a lot of cooking shows on the Lifestyle Network and ETC lately, to fill in the gap of Discovery Travel and Adventcha, a channel Skycable no longer carries (I would love to write to Skycable about this matter but I'm not the one paying for my own cable and we all know what happens after I announce that I will write a letter of complaint, so let's not pursue the issue). The ones in ETC are kinda lame, but Lifestyle has some great cooking shows. The best is this fabulous woman named Nigella. I love Nigella. She's this beautiful big woman who cooks the most scrumptious looking food and she looks like she's super enjoying the food she's eating when she's done cooking them. That's how food shows should be. I know I'm always hungry after I watch an episode.
I've been eating a lot lately. I think because my parents were rather worried about my purported anorexia that I have to stuff my face every chance I get to keep everyone relaxed about the topic. Beyond eating a lot, I'm also cooking a lot. Jacqui is laughing at me when I start cooking after watching people cook on TV but I don't care, it looks good and I'm not on a diet. I'm also loving that my culinary skills are slowly improving. Sure, they may not be complicated meals, but just you wait, I'll be cooking stews in no time.
You'd love stews, wouldn't you?
Anyway, if I had one complaint about Nigella, it's that she sometimes mumbles when she explains how to cook something and she made this cool orange flavored ice cream but I don't know what white powdery substance she put in before she put cream. Was that flour? Baking powder? Cornstarch? How am I gonna make orange flavored ice cream now?
Right now, I want to cook some tikoy. I've been thinking of tikoy a lot lately, I guess because it's Chinese New Year and a lot of tikoy is on display in stores. I'll buy some over the weekend and fry them at home. I haven't bought tikoy yet because Jacqui said to wait and see if any of her Chinese students give her some. And then my sister has a rare ditz moment, today of all days: the MRT breaks down and she doesn't know how to commute to La Salle from the weekday house, so she goes home and calls the school to let her students know she's not making it to class. So if there ever was any tikoy, we won't be seeing it anytime soon, if at all.
Speaking of Chinese food, I had dinner with the rents and sibs at North Park on Macapagal Highway two nights in a row over the weekend. I had never really eaten at North Park before, not even the one on Makati Ave, as I'd always be in Hap Chan instead. Anyway, it was my first time to try their soft tofu with mushrooms and brocolli flowers, which is the best thing I've eaten in any Chinese restaurant, super rivalling Hap Chan's garlic brocolli. I thought eating there the very next night would kill the experience, but I realize that the food there is made of sterner stuff.
Also, can I just comment that the comfort rooms in that building are the best public rest rooms I've ever been in, better than the ones in Greenbelt. These have handheld bidets (are they still bidets if you can hold them and aim? I refuse to call them mini-showers)! What gas station rest room has bidets in each stall (oh yeah, there are four stalls)? I hope they remain well maintained.
Back to food. Right now, I want to eat lumpia but I have to wrap it. My mom makes the meat mixture and she sent it over with lumpia wrapper. I'm an expert at wrapping lumpia. But I have never made the meat mixture before though. I can actually picture it in the future, asking my mom for lumpia to wrap to feed my kids. Right now, they remain in my fridge, unwrapped (the lumpia, not my kids). I haven't had time to wrap any, I've been doing too many things (I swear, going online is as addictive as coffee and sex, there should be some study made and some form of cure created). I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and have some for lunch.
(Meaning I should go off to sleep now. Goodnight!)
I've been eating a lot lately. I think because my parents were rather worried about my purported anorexia that I have to stuff my face every chance I get to keep everyone relaxed about the topic. Beyond eating a lot, I'm also cooking a lot. Jacqui is laughing at me when I start cooking after watching people cook on TV but I don't care, it looks good and I'm not on a diet. I'm also loving that my culinary skills are slowly improving. Sure, they may not be complicated meals, but just you wait, I'll be cooking stews in no time.
You'd love stews, wouldn't you?
Anyway, if I had one complaint about Nigella, it's that she sometimes mumbles when she explains how to cook something and she made this cool orange flavored ice cream but I don't know what white powdery substance she put in before she put cream. Was that flour? Baking powder? Cornstarch? How am I gonna make orange flavored ice cream now?
Right now, I want to cook some tikoy. I've been thinking of tikoy a lot lately, I guess because it's Chinese New Year and a lot of tikoy is on display in stores. I'll buy some over the weekend and fry them at home. I haven't bought tikoy yet because Jacqui said to wait and see if any of her Chinese students give her some. And then my sister has a rare ditz moment, today of all days: the MRT breaks down and she doesn't know how to commute to La Salle from the weekday house, so she goes home and calls the school to let her students know she's not making it to class. So if there ever was any tikoy, we won't be seeing it anytime soon, if at all.
Speaking of Chinese food, I had dinner with the rents and sibs at North Park on Macapagal Highway two nights in a row over the weekend. I had never really eaten at North Park before, not even the one on Makati Ave, as I'd always be in Hap Chan instead. Anyway, it was my first time to try their soft tofu with mushrooms and brocolli flowers, which is the best thing I've eaten in any Chinese restaurant, super rivalling Hap Chan's garlic brocolli. I thought eating there the very next night would kill the experience, but I realize that the food there is made of sterner stuff.
Also, can I just comment that the comfort rooms in that building are the best public rest rooms I've ever been in, better than the ones in Greenbelt. These have handheld bidets (are they still bidets if you can hold them and aim? I refuse to call them mini-showers)! What gas station rest room has bidets in each stall (oh yeah, there are four stalls)? I hope they remain well maintained.
Back to food. Right now, I want to eat lumpia but I have to wrap it. My mom makes the meat mixture and she sent it over with lumpia wrapper. I'm an expert at wrapping lumpia. But I have never made the meat mixture before though. I can actually picture it in the future, asking my mom for lumpia to wrap to feed my kids. Right now, they remain in my fridge, unwrapped (the lumpia, not my kids). I haven't had time to wrap any, I've been doing too many things (I swear, going online is as addictive as coffee and sex, there should be some study made and some form of cure created). I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and have some for lunch.
(Meaning I should go off to sleep now. Goodnight!)
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
my sala costume, aka the supposed wedding dress
full length:
The photo is rather blurry because it was taken by my sister with my 3650 and not a real camera so the resolution kinda sucks and my face looks like I have the mumps. But you can see the dress in its entirety here. Check it out, it's got lace sleeves and a lace overwrap over the entire top - it's so pretty, and petticoats under the full skirt and, my favorite, a train.
This ballet, Mantones de Manila, is an autobiography of the choreographer asides from a showcase of different settings of rural Filipinos who like to dance. There are three sections of the ballet: Sala, where four giddy dalaga Filipinas dance in a traditional Filipino living room while preparing for the wedding of their friend, Tony Fabella's tribute to Alice Reyes and his time spent with the early Ballet Philippines; Piging, where couples attend a party and dance the polka, tango, and a fast waltz, Tito Tony's tribute to Philippine folk dance; and Entablado, where Tito Tony dresses everyone up in tutus and boasts of our aptitude for classical ballet, representing his time making ballets with PBT. In Sala, the steps are more neo-classical/modern-y, with more emphasis on body movements (contracts and releases) and arm gestures than leg movements. Whatever leg movements there are exist to play with and display the long, flowing, floor-length skirt. Just a little backgrounder so that y'all won't be wondering what I'm doing dancing in a dress like this.
closer
Check out the detail of lace on the neckline, the sleeves, the hem of the bodice and the parts of the skirt beside the purple ribbon that line the sides of the skirt. Each dress has a different color per dancer. There's a nice blue one that actually fits me better but I was being generous because Tasha has a slightly bigger build than me and the blue one is bigger than the purple one, and so on. I'm also taken with the headdress, bunches of pink chiffon sewn together to look like flowers, framed by random beads.
view from the top
This pic is just here because I think I look pretty in it. And look at my eyelashes. I think God didn't give me eyelashes because I'd be too pretty if He did and it would upset some balance in the world. (Haha, kapal!)
I don't think I'd wear something like this when I get married, though. I'd probably show more skin. And a veil that falls to the floor. Knowing me.
The photo is rather blurry because it was taken by my sister with my 3650 and not a real camera so the resolution kinda sucks and my face looks like I have the mumps. But you can see the dress in its entirety here. Check it out, it's got lace sleeves and a lace overwrap over the entire top - it's so pretty, and petticoats under the full skirt and, my favorite, a train.
This ballet, Mantones de Manila, is an autobiography of the choreographer asides from a showcase of different settings of rural Filipinos who like to dance. There are three sections of the ballet: Sala, where four giddy dalaga Filipinas dance in a traditional Filipino living room while preparing for the wedding of their friend, Tony Fabella's tribute to Alice Reyes and his time spent with the early Ballet Philippines; Piging, where couples attend a party and dance the polka, tango, and a fast waltz, Tito Tony's tribute to Philippine folk dance; and Entablado, where Tito Tony dresses everyone up in tutus and boasts of our aptitude for classical ballet, representing his time making ballets with PBT. In Sala, the steps are more neo-classical/modern-y, with more emphasis on body movements (contracts and releases) and arm gestures than leg movements. Whatever leg movements there are exist to play with and display the long, flowing, floor-length skirt. Just a little backgrounder so that y'all won't be wondering what I'm doing dancing in a dress like this.
closer
Check out the detail of lace on the neckline, the sleeves, the hem of the bodice and the parts of the skirt beside the purple ribbon that line the sides of the skirt. Each dress has a different color per dancer. There's a nice blue one that actually fits me better but I was being generous because Tasha has a slightly bigger build than me and the blue one is bigger than the purple one, and so on. I'm also taken with the headdress, bunches of pink chiffon sewn together to look like flowers, framed by random beads.
view from the top
This pic is just here because I think I look pretty in it. And look at my eyelashes. I think God didn't give me eyelashes because I'd be too pretty if He did and it would upset some balance in the world. (Haha, kapal!)
I don't think I'd wear something like this when I get married, though. I'd probably show more skin. And a veil that falls to the floor. Knowing me.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
thirty and planning
I attended my mom's high school homecoming the other day - not the event itself but the tech rehearsal the day before. I've never been in a room full of women all older than me whose ages I more or less was aware of. It's strange how that kind of situation can give you an entirely different perspective of life. There were batches of sixty year olds, fifty year olds, forty year olds and I balked suddenly when I realized I'm only ten years younger than them (the mommy-looking forty year olds onstage)!
I made two important decisions then and there: 1. Instead of making my future brood of children my big achievement of my life, I will go do everything I want to do for myself first. And 2. I will be utterly gorgeous even when I reach the age of 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
(Though my second decision must be making people shake their heads at me because of course I'm not ever ever gonna look my age, given how I look now. One of my classmates, a delightful woman named Lilliput, asked my mom how old I was and she misheard my mom's reply of "Thirty" for "Thirteen." "But she does look only thirteen!" she exclaimed when my mom protested. Yeah, I fool everyone.)
My first decision is something I've actually been planning for a while, a long while already, I'm just not quite following through yet. But I've thought about it over the weekend and I've figured it out. It's not my life that needs direction. Just me. I know where I want to go, I just have too many things I want to do that I'm juggling them quite badly. They're all up in the air and I concentrate on the first thing that falls. Then I totally ignore that when something else comes crashing down. It's no way to live!!
I'm going to really crack the whip on myself from now on. I have a really good job prospect looming on the horizon, so before I take that on, I want all my personal projects done and out of the way already. I'm thinking that even if I don't get the job, I would have finalized the updated syllabus for our family's ballet school, published that compilation of my old blog archives, written at least half of my Maria/Waya novel, started real work on my thesis.
Sounds like a plan, man. Now, get the whip out!
I made two important decisions then and there: 1. Instead of making my future brood of children my big achievement of my life, I will go do everything I want to do for myself first. And 2. I will be utterly gorgeous even when I reach the age of 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
(Though my second decision must be making people shake their heads at me because of course I'm not ever ever gonna look my age, given how I look now. One of my classmates, a delightful woman named Lilliput, asked my mom how old I was and she misheard my mom's reply of "Thirty" for "Thirteen." "But she does look only thirteen!" she exclaimed when my mom protested. Yeah, I fool everyone.)
My first decision is something I've actually been planning for a while, a long while already, I'm just not quite following through yet. But I've thought about it over the weekend and I've figured it out. It's not my life that needs direction. Just me. I know where I want to go, I just have too many things I want to do that I'm juggling them quite badly. They're all up in the air and I concentrate on the first thing that falls. Then I totally ignore that when something else comes crashing down. It's no way to live!!
I'm going to really crack the whip on myself from now on. I have a really good job prospect looming on the horizon, so before I take that on, I want all my personal projects done and out of the way already. I'm thinking that even if I don't get the job, I would have finalized the updated syllabus for our family's ballet school, published that compilation of my old blog archives, written at least half of my Maria/Waya novel, started real work on my thesis.
Sounds like a plan, man. Now, get the whip out!
Friday, February 04, 2005
little something-nothings
What do you guys think has happened to me when I disappear like I did the last few days? Bursts of prolific creativity and then silence? Actually, nothing much has happened to me the last few days - nothing blog-worthy anyway. I could have blogged about:
- my thesis
- something irritating that happened in ballet the other day
- why somebody so dissuaded about marriage as I had found myself so giddy last Saturday when Tasha looked at me in my Sala - Mantones de Manila costume and said, "Ate Joe, you look like you're in a wedding dress!"
However, I didn't because:
- I think I'm only excited about my thesis every Monday after Research class and I feel I should get it kickstarted finally. A few days later, I'm not as passionate. It's not that I don't want to be passionate about my thesis but right now, I have other concerns. Knowing all this though, I've resolved to be more passionate about my thesis because I want it to rock. But to make it a blog entry? How boring.
- That irritating thing in ballet is something I don't want to discuss actually. The only reason I put it in the list above was I wanted to blog the other day and I couldn't because I was so peeved at the thing that I couldn't think about anything else. And although it was so SOOOOO irritating, disappointing, embarassing, it's not something that deserves the blog space. I've actually gotten over it already, don't ask me what it is when you see me again.
-- In related news, despite that irritating thing, I love dancing. It's the best thing in my life. Well, one of.
- I like the concept of spending the rest of my life with somebody. With a particular somebody. But it's too early to think about that, so I'm restraining myself, giggling helplessly instead while in a huge and pretty white dress with a train and many many petticoats. I don't really want to talk about how I'm so looking forward to being married. I don't. But I can post pictures of me in this dress if you want. (Can you say nutzoid?)
So a bunch of not blog-worthy posts makes one blog-worthy post? Yes, it looks like it. Next week, I look for worthier things.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
gypsy girl in her element
I learned Tzigane today. I have actually already started learning Tzigane a couple weeks ago, but we hadn't gotten around to learning the rest of the dance. Today, we went through the entire thing so many times that it would be impossible for me not to remember what comes next after whatever. I sometimes wish there were an easier system for me to remember dances, but I don't even know what system I currently use. That system is flawed, as there are gaps in my memory (I'm always "What's next? What's next???") and I really have to concentrate. I think I tend to worry about what's next more than I worry that I'm doing the dance properly.
But that's only when I learn the dance. When I know the dance, finally, I'm not as praning. Like I had a hell of a time learning Vinta the first time but when I knew it, I loved it. Now, I'm not loving it as much again because I have to learn a different part. I'm hoping it gets easier.
By the way, Tzigane is a pas de deux that's supposed to be a tricks showcase of the company's flashiest dancers. Choreographed by Tom Pazik, it was first danced in PBT by Lisa Macuja and Osias Barroso Jr (long before they left and formed Ballet Manila). It's currently performed by Kit and Ron, and in the upcoming shows, by Kit and Alvin. I'm only learning it so that Alvin will have a partner to practice with while Kit is dancing it with Ron.
I don't mind if I never get to perform it onstage, I like the challenge of learning. Well, actually, I wish I knew it already so that I can just have fun rehearsing it. So it's more I like the challenge of being able to do these flashy tricks and leaps and turns and lifts. Without worrying about "What's next?"
But that's only when I learn the dance. When I know the dance, finally, I'm not as praning. Like I had a hell of a time learning Vinta the first time but when I knew it, I loved it. Now, I'm not loving it as much again because I have to learn a different part. I'm hoping it gets easier.
By the way, Tzigane is a pas de deux that's supposed to be a tricks showcase of the company's flashiest dancers. Choreographed by Tom Pazik, it was first danced in PBT by Lisa Macuja and Osias Barroso Jr (long before they left and formed Ballet Manila). It's currently performed by Kit and Ron, and in the upcoming shows, by Kit and Alvin. I'm only learning it so that Alvin will have a partner to practice with while Kit is dancing it with Ron.
I don't mind if I never get to perform it onstage, I like the challenge of learning. Well, actually, I wish I knew it already so that I can just have fun rehearsing it. So it's more I like the challenge of being able to do these flashy tricks and leaps and turns and lifts. Without worrying about "What's next?"
if only blogging paid the bills...
Unless you're squeamish about pretty homosexuals who say whatever they please, check this out. It's a weblog of a pretty homosexual who says whatever he pleases, but since he's so darn entertaining, lotsa people read his blog. And so people advertise on his blog and he makes money off it. Wow. I once wrote (in my last blog I think) that I wished I could be a professional blogger, just blog and get paid for it. Too bad I'm not an entertaining homosexual who says whatever I please.
i miss you
He said, "Will you be okay?" as we were saying goodbyes and about to hang up on each other. Was he asking will I be okay after this parting, will I be able to live without him? No, I won't be okay, you're too far from me. Come here, make me feel all better.
i don't know if i'll still be around when you come back...
Went to my grandmother's best friend's husband's 40th day today (meaning, he passed on 40 days ago). I always liked the Belos because we swam in their pool all the time and they were always telling us to feel most at home. And they're really wonderful people really, very interesting and smart. I really felt bad when he passed because I could not picture his wife without him, they seemed to be two halves of a whole and so cute all the time.
Tonight, though, she looked cute on her own as well. Her daughter opened the program by relating the story of how her parents met and it was this really cute anecdote about his chance of taking his Master's in Law at Harvard but when he asked his beau if she would wait for him, she said, "I don't know if I'll still be around when you come back..." So he turned down the scholarship to ask her father her hand in marriage and he gasped and commanded him to take back the scholarship and he will pay for his daughter's airfare and accomodations while he's at Harvard.
(At this point, I look over at her table and she smiles at me and says, "It's true!" So cute!)
I'm most amused at how similar she is to Mamia - my Mamia said to my grandfather, "Hey, I'm 25. If you're not going to marry me, I have to find someone who will because I'm not getting any younger." In effect, she proposed. You can tell why these cousins are best friends.
Their daughter is actually my godmother, but I'm not close to her in any way. I think more so now because she's still probably mad at me - I let her down when she offered me a chance to learn Pilates in the States and teach it at her clinic back when Pilates was about to become all the rage. I didn't accept the offer because I didn't want to teach Pilates - not then, while I was writing for PinoyCentral Music, not even now, that I'm a ballerina again.
Some blog-worthy news though. My mom had been the one who was forever on my case for turning her down - I could have gone to the States, I could be earning three times my salary, how embarassing to refuse my godmother, blah blah blah. Then, last year, I was angsting about ballet (my usual angst about ballet last year) and my mom told me, "You did not waste any time. You went out and lived your life the way you wanted to live it. You have all these memories of everything you did and everyone you met and all these achievements. You should be grateful that when you decided to go back to ballet, your body still allowed you to. Do you know what your peers are doing now? The people who went on dancing while you went and wasted your time with a life? They're so sick of ballet and all they can do now is teach Pilates."
Have I said before that the Universe knows what's due us? Such a crafty Universe, isn't it?
Tonight, though, she looked cute on her own as well. Her daughter opened the program by relating the story of how her parents met and it was this really cute anecdote about his chance of taking his Master's in Law at Harvard but when he asked his beau if she would wait for him, she said, "I don't know if I'll still be around when you come back..." So he turned down the scholarship to ask her father her hand in marriage and he gasped and commanded him to take back the scholarship and he will pay for his daughter's airfare and accomodations while he's at Harvard.
(At this point, I look over at her table and she smiles at me and says, "It's true!" So cute!)
I'm most amused at how similar she is to Mamia - my Mamia said to my grandfather, "Hey, I'm 25. If you're not going to marry me, I have to find someone who will because I'm not getting any younger." In effect, she proposed. You can tell why these cousins are best friends.
Their daughter is actually my godmother, but I'm not close to her in any way. I think more so now because she's still probably mad at me - I let her down when she offered me a chance to learn Pilates in the States and teach it at her clinic back when Pilates was about to become all the rage. I didn't accept the offer because I didn't want to teach Pilates - not then, while I was writing for PinoyCentral Music, not even now, that I'm a ballerina again.
Some blog-worthy news though. My mom had been the one who was forever on my case for turning her down - I could have gone to the States, I could be earning three times my salary, how embarassing to refuse my godmother, blah blah blah. Then, last year, I was angsting about ballet (my usual angst about ballet last year) and my mom told me, "You did not waste any time. You went out and lived your life the way you wanted to live it. You have all these memories of everything you did and everyone you met and all these achievements. You should be grateful that when you decided to go back to ballet, your body still allowed you to. Do you know what your peers are doing now? The people who went on dancing while you went and wasted your time with a life? They're so sick of ballet and all they can do now is teach Pilates."
Have I said before that the Universe knows what's due us? Such a crafty Universe, isn't it?
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