boys, yeah yeah, boys

thesis journal entry # 4

An interesting thing happened in ballet class today (technically yesterday). Anatoli sometimes gives the strangest steps; yesterday, he made us jump a pique turn. A pique turn is done with one foot pivoting on the floor. Jumping it seemed difficult, even to the boys. But when you get the theory of it and try it out a couple times, it's actually pretty easy to do. On your side, at least.

When you say "your side," in ballet, you're referring to the "side" on which you can perform certain steps better. Right handed people can turn more pirouettes and fouettes and double tours on their right, while left handed people can do things better when it's done to the left. Most people are right handed and their side is to the right, but the few lefties are actually brilliant when they do what they do and are still able to do adequate steps to the right. Some people can be right-handed and yet find it easier to execute steps to the left. I have no idea why that is, just that it exists.

Anyway, my side is the right, except I can do good turns to the left as well, sometimes my left turns are better than my right. Sometimes. The pique turn en l'air however is only a right-handed step for me, I realize that afternoon.

I jump high. I'm not bragging or anything, I'm stating a fact. I don't leap tall buildings in a single bound, but for a girl, I can jump pretty high. So much so that I can turn while jumping, something only boys are expected to do. I don't really care what the boys think of this phenomena; I don't join their combinations in class because I want to show them up, I only do them for myself.

The pique turn en l'air however was given to both girls and boys. The girls did theirs without barely getting off the floor. I did mine (to the right) pretty high up and I think it stirred some discontent in the boys who found the step difficult. So when we did the exercise to the left and I couldn't complete my turn to the left (nearly falling), I heard some of the boys not only snicker at me, but laugh outright.

This is so grade school, but it made me feel frustrated. I only felt better when some of them couldn't do it to the left, either.

I have to conk myself on the head, though. Was feeling bad necessary? They're just boys being themselves, frogs, snails, puppydogs' tails and all. But some of the most important things in life you do learn in kindergarten. Like humility. Well, I still insist I wasn't showing off, I was merely doing the combination. But I think I have to consider what will draw attention to me, especially in an environment where a lot of egos are jete-ing through the room. You may think you're not showing off, but other people don't necessarily think the way you do.

For a year now, I've been working on not letting what other people think get to me. I still need to work on that some more, obviously.