Tito G told me the other day that I had to lose weight.
I know, I know. I've been looking at myself in the mirror and thinking I'm thin enough. But I have to dance with Kit and Kit is tiny. I've always considered myself too muscular to be gaunt and waif-ish, but it's gaunt and waif-ish that this pas de trois needs and gaunt and waif-ish I must be.
Maybe if I lessen my protein intake, I could get rid of my muscles too...
It's not a lot of weight. When Tito G said, "Joelle, lose more weight," Anatoli (bless his heart) sharply looked at him and conferenced and objection I couldn't hear. To which Tito G said, "Just a little bit more." I have to admit I have to get rid of the adipose flesh on my tummy - my problem spot. I was planning to develop abs instead of hewing it down flat, but it looks like I'll have to hew them down flat now. And I guess I can't help the fact that I have breasts, as little and insignificant as they are, which makes me look fuller than Kit does. I could lose the weight to shrink my boobies and then grow them back after.
Do I sound scary yet? I'm sorry but these are the choices I have to work with.
Kit is shaking her head at the whole thing and is trying to convince me that it's just attitude. "Think thin!" she insists instead. Meanwhile, she's dancing Tzigane, which is like running a marathon each time she rehearses it - which is every day, meaning she will be losing weight as well. I really have my catching up cut out for me.
Don't worry, though. I've never dieted dangerously my entire life and I'm not starting now. Taking most of the fat out of my diet (not all because if you're fat deficient, your body knows and makes its own fat!) and eating less of what I normally eat always works for me. I never go hungry, I eat well. And I've been having more aerobic exercise than I used to. I just have to relax more so that I don't turn into a zombie.
I don't like it though when Tito G tells me I have to lose weight. He's always been on my case about my weight - since time immemorial - and when I decided to come back, I really disciplined myself to lose it, just to prove that I'm really serious about dancing. His telling me that I need to lose weight seems to say that he doesn't think I'm serious about dancing yet. I don't like that I have anything to prove to anybody. I have enough problems proving my seriousness and capabilities to myself.
Ah well. We deal. So it goes.
A bright side: Lucas said in reaction, "Tell him he has to lose weight." Hahaha.
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1 comment:
Sweet Jesus, Jo, 98 lbs is already underweight for 5'2", tell that fat ass to go fuck himself. I know you have some sort of inferiority complex about your body compared to other dancers, but you know what that lady from Alvin Ailey said when she spoke at SMU? You dance with what you have. It's the discipline, the devotion, and the work that makes the difference. She was also told she was too tall, and she said Alvin Ailey is full of people that were all too something. But you dance with what you were given. It's the dancing that counts.
I love you. I would want to see you dance over an anorectic-looking waif any day.
marga
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