the whipping girl

Have you ever met/worked with/have to deal with constantly anyone who likes to see the world only the way he sees it turn and won't believe you if you tell him otherwise, even when proof that he is wrong comes crashing down on his head? Have you ever tried to be patient about somebody who blames you for everything wrong with your siblings for the mere fact that you're the oldest and supposedly responsible for every action they make? Have you ever felt you do not belong to yourself, that you never will?

How would you feel if the person who makes you feel this bad is the man who spawned you? And there's nothing you can do, you just sit there and take it, you just sit here and try not to rock the boat. Because even if you've fixed the problem, or aren't even the source of the problem at all, God forbid that he sees you actually loving your life, because he'll take that part of you and try to turn it into something ugly, something that's destroying what he has worked so hard for, something you'll feel bad for wanting, doing, needing, enjoying.

Problem is, it's not that bad that I feel I have to run away from home. But sometimes, I am absolutely thisclose to packing.

I hate feeling like I've been grounded. I'm thirty and I can't leave the house. There should be stupider things but I just right now can't think of any.

(Strange then that the book I'm reading while in prison is Beauty by Sheri S. Tepper and in the last chapter I read, her father the Duke of Westfaire locked Beauty up in a dove tower for misbehaving. Hahahahaha. Sigh, at least I still have a sense of humor. Kill me when I lose that completely).