as my friend said, there's something in the air...

I've been looking for various definitions of love, as it were. I guess I'm trying to remind myself what it is. Which brings us to the big cheese of the day - I watched The Notebook. After promising Tos I wouldn't. I thought I never would, but strangely, things have been happening to me that are making me reassess what I have done in my life, what I have done to my life, what I let other people do to my life, etc. Seeing The Notebook is one of those things.

I haven't done anything remotely related to the Tarot in over four years (maybe more) but I found myself checking out an online deck that is not only eeriely accurate, but also well written. I asked a certain question and it told me to charge on (for fellow readers, it was the Chariot card). This guy's version of the Chariot though is a shoe with a dangerous high heel. He's like saying what you want to happen can only happen through your efforts and you're already moving in that direction. My question wasn't about me, it was about another person and yet the card I drew is telling me that I am the Captain of my Soul. After watching The Notebook, I took my first brave, bold step into charging on.

It's funny that these are two separate entities that really don't have anything to do with each other at all. Only in my world are they actually living on the same page.

Overall, The Notebook was an okay movie if you like movies with heartwarming love stories, the kind that last a lifetime (and this one did, from the moment they met till the girl caught Alzheimer's... sorry if I ruined it for you, then again, if you're a friend reading my blog, I'm sure you wouldn't care, not really). If I wasn't in the situation I was in right now, I wouldn't be that affected by how the guy was despondent yet still in love with the girl that he still built that house for her. I guess I'm finding any guy in love with any girl remarkable. To quote the song, love is a beautiful thing.

And to quote the cliche, we always want what we can't have.

I don't want to be bitter. I'm thirty and I'm only this affected because I'm stuck in my parents' house without much to do. Maybe I shouldn't have plunged into organizing my life because I was made to face what a mess, a really big mess, it had become.

I don't know where this is coming from. I was pretty okay before this week started. To my knowledge, at least.

I'm kind of optimistic. I'm also reading Neverwhere and I'm thinking that the worst thing that could happen to me could, in all probability, be not that bad. That step I was talking about, I would never have made it before, ever. I would have been too afraid to. But now, I really felt good doing it and I didn't worry anymore that it was something I could never take back. I guess you could say I've grown accustomed to walking in high heels.

Warning, though, to everyone: I love you all but if any of you gives me a big "I told you so..." or "Honey, you shoulda done this ages ago...", I swear, I'm gonna impale a spiked heel into your face. (Hmmm, I don't know where the violence is coming from, it must be from watching The Notebook...) Let's just go get coffee and ogle Lainee's boss or something.